Adelaide News Stories

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OOC: These news stories are published in various news outlets - TV, Radio, Newspaper etc. If your character does not subscribe to any of these things because they're a hermit or so ancient that these things are still very new to them, then disregard these news stories.

These news stories are entirely fictional and are written for entertainment purposes.

Last updated: 09/09/2017

... (7/10/2017)
Hi, everyone. Um, I know right now everything seems... pretty bad. And it could be. But, right now, we all need each other more than any of us could have expected. We're all still here, we all need - or at least want, to keep on going that way. So we'll need to work together.
I can't force everything back to normal. And I can't force everyone to just immediately trust, or like each other. But we need to try to work together. All of us are unique, why not... use those skills we have to work together. Rebuild. We can only do it if we all work together.
A week from now, if you can, meet in your city's town hall. I don't care who or what you are, please, we're going to need each and every one of you. Be nice to your neighbours - you'll need them.
14th September. Wherever you are - town hall. I believe in you. We can survive this.
'#InspiringSpeech
(This appears in AdelaideNow website, as well as an audio version over several radio stations worldwide)


Widespread Seizures Across Adelaide (9/09/2017)
Dozens of people have been brought to various hospitals across the greater metropolitan area after collapsing in the street. Initial testing has indicated similarities to the various 'spongy-brain' incidents. Many of those stricken have been ruled brain-dead, whilst the rest are in a serious but stable condition.

Grave Robberies Revealed (9/09/2017)
In the wake of the underground fires and subsequent collapses in areas of the parklands, cleanup crews assessing damage in the West Terrace Cemetery have made the disturbing discovery that a significant number of the graves are in fact empty. Investigation is ongoing but no leads have been uncovered as yet.

Krokodil Caught In Trap (30/08/2017)
A massive police sting operation earlier this week has lead to the arrest of over 40 people involved in the import, manufacture and sale of street drug Krokodil. The sting against the African crime syndicate simultaneously hit street vendors, backyard drug labs, storage warehouses and a cargo ship at Port Adelaide. The joint venture between many government agencies resulted in dozens of arrests and the seizure of thousands of dollars worth of precursor chemicals. The South Australian Chief of Police issued a press statement thanking all of those involved in the effort and paying tribute to the undercover police who had infiltrated the network but were caught in an explosion that destroyed one of the drug labs in the early days of the investigation.

Cult Activity On The Rise (28/08/2017)
Following the recent publicity of a Jedi cult in Brisbane, a similar organization has appeared in Adelaide. The group, known as Jedi Order Adelaide, welcomes newcomers by presenting them with brown robes and a booklet describing the code they strive to live by. Universities have also seen an increase in alternative belief student groups such as the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Former FSM member Luke Kavara has applied to the university to rejoin the group even though he is no longer a student after waking up one morning to find a noodle on his forehead. A smaller and much more controversial cult, the Cult of the Eye, promises to show member the world in a completely new way using a ceremony they claim allows members to see through the barrier between worlds to a parallel dimension. The group has drawn media attention as their activities so far have left three people hospitalized.

KI Bridge Approved (26/08/2017)
The Tramountanas Family has been approved by the state government to construct a bridge from the mainland to Kangaroo Island. The bridge, spanning 112km, is estimated to cost $8.7 billion and will be the basis of reopening gemstone and lithium mines on Kangaroo Island. It will also operate as a toll road for commercial and tourist traffic. Construction is expected to begin in 2018 and be completed in 2020.

Orphanage Axe Murders Shocks Mt Gambier (24/08/2017) (OOC: dark stuff, trigger warnings galore)
Mt Gambier's Acacia Street Orphanage has been closed down after the mass murder of all resident staff and children on Tuesday night. Major Crime investigators have no leads as to who was behind the atrocity that forensics teams are putting together. Initial reports indicate that the children of the orphanage were gagged and forced to participate in a brutal 'pit fight' with a variety of weapons before their corpses were stacked underneath the dining room table. The orphanage staff were found in their rooms and appear to have been been hanged from their their own doorknobs in a manner similar to autoerotic asphyxiation. In a gruesome twist the words "Nu exista nici un loc ca acasa" were painted over the walls in the blood of the deceased.


Sponge-Brain Outbreak (14/08/2017)
A nurse assigned to look after a comatose patient in the RAH collapsed earlier this week. The stricken nurse has undergone several tests to determine if their condition was caught from the patient they were monitoring. Initial tests indicated that Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease might have been the cause of the collapse but MRI and other imaging techniques have disprove this idea. Both patients have also tested negative to the presence of prions - the same thing that causes Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE), commonly known as mad cow disease.

Terror Attack Victims Seen In Bizarre Circumstances (14/08/2017)
The three confirmed victims of Saturday night's terrorist attack were all witnessed by several members of the public moving across the CBD to an unknown location in the south-east of the city. The victims were in various states of distress and were reported as being unresponsive to those that tried to intervene and assist. One woman had suffered severe burns, one man was walking on a broken leg, while the other man was dragging his allegedly deceased dog with him. All three were later located, deceased, by the authorities.

City Ringed in Fire (13/08/2017)
Shortly before midnight last night Adelaide was rocked by a terrorist attack causing several million dollars worth of property damage and resulting in the loss of three lives, with an unconfirmed number in critical condition. Several explosions caused structural damage, causing sinkholes to open up across the parklands. Emergency services and fire investigators are yet to determine the cause of the simultaneous fires and explosions, and no terrorist organisation has yet stepped forward to claim responsibility for the attack.

Police Searching For Fred Basset (03/08/2017)
Police were called to the prestigious Carrick Hill estate last night. The building's owner, Fred Basset, contacted police to report the estate was being broken into by armed criminals. Emergency operators listened helplessly as sounds of a struggle ensued. Several names were easily identified from the recording and there are allegations of cult involvement. Police are interviewing Carrick Hill staff for further details. Fred Basset purchased Carrick Hill from the State Government earlier this year and maintained the property, including daytime tours, in line with heritage policy. He is also known to be a very generous patron of the Art Gallery. This latest home invasion has spurned a greater interest among the upper class of Adelaide and the Justice Department has seen an increase in the number of inquiries regarding extraterritoriality as those with wealth seek out stronger deterrents to protect themselves.

Church Razed By Lightning Strikes (03/08/2017)
Saint Martin's Cathlic Church in Greenacres was struck by lightning last night. On an otherwise clear night the church was struck twice by lightning in quick succession. Meteorologists are at a loss to explain the phenomena but parishioners are interpreting it as a sign of the divine. The church itself was set alight by the strikes and while noone was hurt, fire crews were unable to save the building. Strangely, witnesses report that the church burned down without producing any smoke.

Miracle Cure For Blindness (31/07/2017)
Local churchgoers were amazed on Sunday when a miracle occurred right in front of them. A 16 year old Labrador, known to be blind for the last three years, licked the minister of the roadview Uniting Church and began exhibiting signs of being able to see again. Skeptics claim it is a stunt to make the church stand out.


Krokodil Use In Decline (25/07/2017)
Medical statistics indicate the use of the injected substance Krokodil is in decline. The cheap narcotic hit Adelaide hard and was quickly adopted by the harder elements of the drug community. After six months of investigations crackdowns and setbacks, SAPOL has finally curbed the trend on the intravenous opiate. While the problem has not gone away, the supply and use of Krokodil seems to be in decline. Skeptics have been quick to point out that this is because, after six months, a large percentage of the initial uptake group are dead. Statistics gathered from support groups like Narcotics Anonymous support this stance as there has not been a substantial uptick in attendance to match the estimated uptake of the cheap narcotic. There are no accurate statistics on the toll this drug has taken on the population of South Australia. The widest-spread data collection tool, the Australian Census, is still four years away and academics are already predicting the drug will have a noticeable effect on the population growth curve of the state.

Glenunga International Runaways (25/07/2017)
Burnside council is cooperating with the Glenunga faculty staff to piece together what might have happened to two of the high-school's year 12 students. The schoolgirls, Sue Lin and Chere Xio, were last seen leaving the highschool on Friday afternoon. Concerned parent groups are urging the state government to do more about student truancy, family values, and this year's increase in missing students.

Woman Rushed To Hospital, Dengue Fever Suspected (24/07/2017)
A woman was rushed to the RAH emergency clinic after collapsing in the Adelaide train station on Monday afternoon. Train station officials quickly cordoned off the woman and provided basic first aid. The four officials have been asked to present themselves to the RAH to determine if the collapse, which was accompanies by bleeding form the eyes and nose, could be a rare outbreak of Dengue Fever. In rare cases this virus can cause acute hemorrhaging encephalitis - a swelling of the brain accompanied with internal bleeding and irreversible brain damage. The unidentified railway patron that the woman collapsed onto is urged to seek out medical attention.

Glenunga International Runaways (24/07/2017)
Burnside council is cooperating with the Glenunga faculty staff to piece together what might have happened to two of the high-school's year 12 students. The schoolgirls, Sue Lin and Chere Xio, were last seen leaving the highschool on Friday afternoon. Concerned parent groups are urging the state government to do more about student truancy, family values, and this year's increase in missing students.

Bomb Threat At Tensyson Hospital (23/07/2017)
The Adelaide Walk-in Hospital, also known as the Tennyson Center, became the focus of police with military on standby after an anonymous bomb threat was called in. The tip-off, tracked to a payphone, came in just a week after a false bomb threat was called at Adelaide Airport. SAPOL has issued a press statement indicating that in the instances of a bomb threat, anyone not complying immediately with police orders will fall under the Anti-Terrorist Act - legislation that allows police to use deadly force even when their own personal safety is not threatened. The Tennyson Center has been searched with cooperation from staff and no explosive devices were found. An unused wing of the hospital had to be broken into as staff on duty did not have access to it. Hospital management has been unable to explain the existence of what appears to be a secret medical research wing.


Canberra Protester's Dissolved (17/07/2017)
Overnight there was a large scale protest involving 200 people dressed in a prison garb and police outfits, the protestors marched for 20 kilometres from the Alexander Moconochie Center in Hume, ACT to the centre of Civic, ACT, the city’s public centre. When asked what they were protesting for no one commented.
Once the protesters reached the city centre they walked to a private door and rang the doorbell. A man came down to greet them, the protestor at the start of the line put his hand on his shoulder and they spoke for a few moments before the protester dissolved before everyone’s eyes, this continued in the same manner for the rest of the protestors. After that a woman appeared behind the man and waved her hands and the remains of the protestors all turned into flowers. The man, now free of his stupor, then proceeded to explain that the whole thing was a 'stunt' to draw attention to the gas leak that had occurred at Alexander Moconochie Center some months back, killing all its staff, inmates and visitors, and had at this point been unreported. Once police had arrived on the scene the flowers had returned to their original state of which appears to be a liquefied substance.
Police currently have the man and woman in custody for questioning over the events that occurred last night. Preliminary reports of forensic analysis indicates that the elements of the substance bears resemblance to the average elemental composition of a human being.
This bizarre event bears similarities to reports coming out of Mexico and India of similar events occurring, but nothing on this scale. (this is being broadcast on all forms of news those being TV, Radio, Social Media and is having constant livestreams and rebroadcasting of the footage from the event)

Concordia College Student Missing (11/07/2017)
Concerned parents Warwick and Jill Hefford are appealing to the public for any information that might lead to locating their daughter, Shannon. Shannon is a promising student at Concordia College but had recently been showing signs of depression and her grades were starting to slip.

Safety Round Concern (10/07/2017)
Following an attack against Heimdall security staff, concerns have been raised about the new safety rounds being issued to police. While investigations have shown that the disintegrating rounds resulted in no collateral damage or injury to any bystanders, police are worried that the rounds are completely ineffective against armoured perpetrators. Supporters of the new safety rounds have responded by saying that the safety of the public should be the highest concern and that in any incident where the police end up in a shoot-out scenario with armoured criminals, STAR or other specilised forces should be called in to play.

Bikies Attack Heimdall (09/07/2017)
A Heimdall security van was assaulted last night by unknown assailants shortly after a bomb scare incident at Adelaide Airport. Police are interviewing several people who witnessed or were involved in the incident. Initial statements indicate that the Heimdall van was attacked by two men on a motorbike who were armed with shotguns. The incident became more volatile when an inattentive chicken delivery van collided with the security van. Overall the incident has left three hospitalised but the two assailants fled the scene and remain unidentified.

Bomb Scare At Airport (09/07/2017)
Emergency services were quick to act last night when an lone unidentified man, described as wearing 'hipster shit', assaulted airport security. While fleeing the airport he was witnessed dropping a fist-sized black object into a bin by the doors. While investigations have concluded the device was not explosive, Adelaide Airport management have publicly thanked SAPOL and Heimdall for their quick actions in evacuation the public from the area. Airport services have returned to normal and security footage is being reviewed to try to identify the assailant.


Krokodil Hits Hard (06/06/2017)
FOI requests have shown that the media has been massively downplaying the impact of Krokodil on Adelaide society. While there have been very few incidence of direct deaths caused by overdose, the drug has been seen as a contributing factor to dozens of fatalities. These range from death by exposure, secondary infection, trauma received while under the influence of the drug and similar. Social welfare agents are rallying to petition the government for more resource to be used to combat the drug problem.

Safe Transport (29/06/2017)
With private security freeing up police at Adelaide Airport, other transport hubs are following suit. The Adelaide Rail Terminal has also contracted Heimdall Security to look after passenger interests. SAPOL applauds the move as it allows more officers to be redeployed to fighting the Krokodil epidemic.

North Adelaide Residents Missing (27/06/2017)
Mr and Mrs Snelder, a retired couple from North Adelaide, have are feared dead as the strange spate of murders and kidnappings continues in the suburb. The quiet couple, known for their collection of cats, have not been seen since since the Religious Freedom Riots.

Drug Lab Explosion (27/06/2017)
West Croydon residents were woken up last night by an explosion at around 2am. Emergency crews rushed to the scene but firefighters were delayed after police identified the house as a Krokodil lab. The delays in getting a HAZMAT team to the site unfortunately lead to the complete destruction of the building and partial destruction to the houses on either side of it. With one less drug lab producing Krokodil, police look forward to a downtick in related crimes and deaths.

Really Really Fast People (24/06/2017)
The Australian Institute of Sport is interested in tracking down two individuals seen fleeing the Religious Riots in Adelaide. After analysing several low quality videos captured and published to social media, the AIS has concluded that if the videos are genuine, the two runners, one male and one female, could very easily represent Australia at the next Olympic Games.

Religious Freedom Festival (24/06/2017)
With the increase in Religious activity across the country and various altercations between various members of multiple religions. The Adelaide City Council in conjunction with the seven leaders of the most prominent faiths worldwide, those being Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism and Paganism; have decided that to celebrate with a Religious freedom festival in the heart of Adelaide the city of churches. The Festival is planned to take place on September 30th during the October long weekend starting at 9pm, there will be fireworks display and a parade going through the centre of the city.

Riot in the Heart of the City (24/06/2017)
Dramatic scenes last night as worshippers at St Francis Xavier Church clashed with police last night. Problems arose when hundreds more revellers attended the service by visiting Priest Jamie Ronan and spilled out onto the street. Police quickly arrived for peaceful crowd control. Church officials asked Ronan to stop preaching and ask the crowd to leave due to safety concerns but he refused. After that our reports vary. What is known is that some people tried to force their way into the back of the church and the police were forced to use warning shots to calm the situation. At which point most of the worshippers began to leave. Some clashed with police however and the riot squad, including police horses were quick to act. Three were injured and dozens of arrests made


Four Officers Dead in Elder Murder Case (14/06/2017)
The investigation into the death of Law Student William Elder has taken a dramatic turn this evening. Following up on information provided by the public, four officers arrived at the residence of Lindsey Holt with a warrant. Footage from the officer's body cameras show Lindsey Holt resisting arrest and then firing upon the officers with what has been described as an experimental radiation gun. Lindsey Holt is considered to be armed and dangerous, do not approach. (There is a photo attached [1])


Heimdall Contracted For Airport Security (08/06/2017)
Security firm Heimdall has been contracted to look after security interests in the Adelaide Airport. A media statement released by Adelaide Airport Limited has cited increased concerns of liability over terrorist acts and the primary reason for the move, claiming that by utilising private security for crowd management and observational duties, state and federal police will be able to spend more time investigating leads into the various drug problems affecting the city.

Persons of Interest in William Elder Case (07/06/2017)
Two persons of interest are wanted for questioning by police in relation to the death of Law student William Elder just over a fortnight ago. People are urged to contact CrimeStoppers with any further information. (description and artist impressions attached to article: 1, 2)

Students Missing, Exams To Blame (04/06/2017)
Parents form two different families have reported their daughters have run away from home in order to escape the stress of mid-year exams. Police are working with the student's respective schools to investigate the young girl's whereabouts.

Effects Of Krokodil Hidden From Public (02/06/2017)
Media groups are expressing outrage and being targeted by government watch-bodies over allegations that Krokodil has been both over and under-represented in the media. Independent journalist Rodney Keith has risked imprisonment under the current anti-terrorism laws by investigating and reporting on Operation Dundee. The project, still under way, falls under the category of 'current operational matters'. The 'Rodney Report', as it's been dubbed, outlines how Krokodil has been responsible for dozens of deaths among the homeless and alleges that the State Government has downplayed the effects of the drug to cover up the problem because it is 'cleaning out the bottom rung of society'.

North Adelaide Woman Missing (02/06/2017)
North Adelaide residents, temporarily elated by the strange wave of nice things happening in the suburb, are once again living in fear as another resident has been reported missing. Cindy Chalmers, a nurse working at Womens and Children's Hospital, was last seen leaving work on the 26th of May. Missing for a week now, friends and family fear the return of the Rat Murders and have enlisted police aid in trying to locate her.

Fatima And The End Of The World (02/06/2017)
With many religious groups reporting greater numbers coming to congregations and increasing number of donations over the past few months the theory that 2017 could be the final year for mankind is steadily increasing, many believe that this relates back to October 1st 1917 when it is said that the Blessed Virgin Mary visited 2 children in their sleep in the Portuguese village of Fatima. This date also correlates with the vision that Pope Leo XIII saw in 1917 where he saw a vision of Satan that spoke to him and said “I could destroy Your Church if I had the time, and more power over those who give themselves over to my service.” And then Pope Leo heard Christ to answer, “You have the power, you have the time: 100 years”. The final correlation is with the venerable Bartholomew Holzhauser who predicted the 7 ages of the church in 1317 in which the 700th year would bring great tribulation, and must be endured to please Christ. Where will the world take us in 2017? Only time will tell.

Missing Crew Of Australia's Seventh Fleet Found (29/05/2017)
The missing crew of Australia’s Seventh fleet has been found on Ashmore and Cartier Islands. Early reports state that the crew abandoned ship during the earthquake which cause one ship to flip over and the others to take on heavy water. The crew drifted and upon rescue many were delirious from dehydration and starvation with many saying that “it was gods will that they were saved”. Unfortunately not everyone survived, currently it is believed that seven crew members are left unaccounted for out of the 84 that were missing. Of the 77 that were found, 19 of them were found dead with 58 left alive. More news to come as reports come in. Doctor Johnson of the Royal Darwin Hospital has said “it was fortunate that they were found when they were, any longer and they might have all perished. They are currently receiving medical care and of those that survived are expected to make a full recovery”.


Krokodil Claims First Life (23/05/2017)
Despite the recent police sting involving the seizure of a large codeine shipment destined for use in the creation of Krokodil, the drug epidemic sweeping the city has now officially claimed its first life. Well-liked family man and talented mechanic David Holt was found dead in his home by family after missing the weekly Sunday dinner. Police are warning that this is likely the first of many Krokodil related deaths.

Student Found Dead in Home (22/05/2017)
Popular Law student William Elder was found dead in his home by police early this morning. Neighbours reported a disturbance in the residence and police were called to the scene where they found the body apparently brutally beaten to death and disfigured with acid. The university student had recently started volunteering his time at Marden Domestic Violence shelter. Spokesperson Sally Neil commented, "Our residents are all understandably upset by this news. William had been a beacon of strength for a number them during a difficult time in their lives. We hope that the people responsible for this heinous act are brought to justice."

North Adelaide Beautification? (21/05/2017)
North Adelaide residents were puzzled by the recent spate of 'guerrilla gardening' and random neighbourhood repairs overnight. Reports have been coming in of cars randomly fixed, sidewalks repaired, and gardens suddenly flourishing. No activist groups have yet stepped forward to claim responsibility for these random acts of charity.


First Krokodil Bust (11/05/2017)
Law enforcement agencies have reported the successful completion of a sting operation against criminal organisations behind the Krokodile crisis in South Australia. A shipping crate containing exports from Russia listed as precious metals (platinum) and electronic components (SIM cards) was seized and found to contain approximately 800kg of codeine tablets - one of the key ingredients in Krokodil. Codeine is an unrestricted drug in Russia, while places like America and Canada treat it as a schedule 1 drug and criminal charges are given with the same severity as trafficking heroin and other opiates.

Police Issued Safer Bullets (11/05/2017)
South Australia's police will be issued safer bullets at the completion of safety trials this month. Analysis of police incidents where firearms have been used has shown that over 90% of shots fired at police are at targets within 30 meters. The new safety bullets are designed to chemically disintegrate after this range. The aim of the new safety rounds is to increase public safety by reducing the chances of missed shots continuing on to hit unintended targets. With only a slight reduction in stopping power, the new bullets are expected to become standard issue in the new financial year when supply contracts are renegotiated.

Sydney Exec Murdered In Adelaide Restaurant (11/05/2017)
A CPA from Sydney was found dead in an upper class Adelaide restaurant on Wednesday night. The female victim was discovered dead in the bathroom of an upperclass restaurant on Frome Street at approximately 9:12pm. Police would like to thank restaurant staff for their assistance in preventing forensic contamination of the crime scene and are continuing to investigate the death.

First Krokodil Amputation In Adelaide (08/05/2017)
As the state continues to suffer under the increasing availability and use of Krokodil, surgeons have performed the first amputation directly linked to the drugs use. The recreational drug, 'cooked' in backyard labs, often contains organics solvents and other impurities that cause necrosis and gangrene - the scaled and dark greenish appearance of which the drug derives its name. A 23 year old male has had a leg removed after being taken to hospital by his parents who notices a strong rotting smell coming from his bedroom.

High Speed Chase On Southern Expressway (07/05/2017)
When police pulled over an unregistered vehicle on Monday night they got more than they bargained for. The driver, described as a white male in late 20's to early 30's and slightly overweight, the driver of a rare 1994 Jaguar XJ220, evaded police and is currently being searched for. The car was recently bought at a private auction and attempts to contact the registered owner have been unsuccessful.


7.7 Earthquake Strikes 100km North Of Darwin (07/05/2017)
Another earthquake has struck the Northern Territory, this time measuring 7.7 on the Richter scale, with the epicentre estimated to be 100km to the northwest of the capital. This has caused the search effort for the previous 4 missing naval vessels to ground to a halt until seas settle enough to continue the search. Thankfully there were no vessels currently out search as they all assisting seven vessels of refugees trying to make their way to Australia by boat. They were believed to be roughly 200km to the east of the epicentre. Religious groups have called it nothing short of a miracle saying “those Seven boats of refugees effectively saved the lives of those involved in the search effort”. Scientist at Geoscience Australia are baffled at how there was not catastrophic damage to Darwin, in a press conference Amanda Rankie has stated that “all the science and simulations that have been done indicate that this should have been a catastrophic event where most if not all of Darwin should have been destroyed and that it is only through sheer luck that only minor incidents have occurred”.

Search Efforts Increased (28/04/2017)
Multiple rescue teams have been involved in the search effort for the 4 missing naval vessels of Australia’s Seventh Fleet. Currently there has been no signs from the missing vessels, the government has authorized a more extensive search effort, involving the Navy and various deep sea divers, private companies and major fishing organisations have also given their support to search for the missing vessels and are currently coordinating with the search effort.

4 Missing Navy Vessels (14/04/2017)
Earlier this morning a major earthquake has occurred 200kms NE of Darwin Registering 5.3 on the Richter scale. It is believed that there was a naval exercise taking place in that region and currently 4 naval vessels from Australia’s Seventh fleet are currently missing.


Krokodil A 'Real Threat' In Adelaide (29/03/2017)
Desomorphine, sold under the street name Krocodil, has only been seen in Adelaide for about a month but doctors are already seeing the effects of the drug. "What we are seeing mirrors the drugs destructive tendencies in Russia. It might actually be worse here as the product is cheaper compared to the wealth of individuals. We're seeing ice addicts turning to it as it can be bought on the street for as little as $2 a hit. Traditional drugs are just being out-marketed by this stuff. Its rare that 'hard' drugs like heroin are seen as gateway drugs, but that's what's happening."

Homelessness At Record Low (29/03/2017)
Adelaide's numbers of homeless people is at a record low. "This is great news", commented Fiona McIntosh of St Vincent de Paul's charity group. "We will always do what we can for those in need, but it's great to hear that less of the population has fallen through the cracks." While official government census data is not available, other charities are reporting the same anecdotal evidence.


Local Industry Spotlight (29/03/2017)
With anime and video game enthusiasts already beginning to feel the hype for Adelaide's own AVCon in July, local indie game developers Caitlyn Delprat and Declan Rowley of Delrow Studios announced the launch today of the closed Beta for their new fantasy themed MMORPG 'The Convocation'. Tied in with the lead-up to AVCon, the popular duo are running a giveaway for participation in this beta test, which is to conclude with the official launch at AVCon.

Birds Behaving Strangely (23/03/2017)
A flock of pigeons in the CBD were seen behaving oddly on Tuesday afternoon, with witnesses reporting seeing the birds flying in circles and crashing into sides of buildings. Behavioural experts were unsurprised by this behaviour, citing the change in weather and nearby roadworks as potential causes for interfering with the birds' navigational abilities.

Record Number Of Sniffer Dogs In Adelaide (17/03/2017)
As Mad March continues in full swing, SAPOL has imported 36 sniffer dogs from around Australia and overseas to combat the state's rising drug problems. The dogs and their handlers, often referred to as K9 units, will be deployed at the entrances to several festive events as well as patrolling the parklands to find hidden stashes and, as is unfortunately predicted by analysts, the bodies unconscious or dead drug users.

Assault Weapons In CBD Attack (17/03/2017)
Residents of the CBD blame drug use for a surge in firearms offences. On Wednesday night automatic weapons fire was heard for the second time this month in the city mile. With no reliable witnesses and no forensics evidence to tie the offence to a crime, its only the corroborating reports of so many people who heard the gunshots that makes the event seem like it ever happened.

Heimdall Security Certified First (16/03/2017)
Little-known security company Heimdall are the first private security company to gain government certification for the use of deadly force. In a rapid succession of legislative changes made since the introduction of extraterritoriality earlier this month, private security firms can now apply to be covered by the same escalation of force rules that govern South Australia's police. These rules ensure that enforcement personnel are restricted to one level of force higher than a perpetrator in order to protect themselves and the property and people they are guarding.

Deadly Drug Krokodil Spotted In SA (15/03/2017)
The deadly drug desomorphine, sold under the street name Krokodil, has been found on the streets of Adelaide. The drug, an opioid, has a street price one tenth that of heroin. It also has a quicker onset, shorter duration and can be cooked in the average kitchen. First 'discovered' at a Siberian military base, the drug has become an epidemic in parts of Russia where its simple manufacture and low cost fro unregulated ingerdients make it a favourite among the lower class. International studies on the drug show only a low number of addicts as most users do not survive past 2-3 years of injecting the drug.

Tennyson Hospital Open To Public (13/03/2017)
The Tennyson Hospital, also known as the Adelaide Emergency Walk-in Clinic, opens its doors to the public today. The hospital, once critical part of the state's health services, lapsed into administration in 2015 when private enterprise opened up a network of 24 hour pharmacies around the CBD. That private enterprise has since folded, leaving the walking ill of Adelaide nowhere to go other than the emergency departments of other hospitals. Will this new breath of life into the health system be enough to tackle the surge in drug-related hospital admissions that are choking emergency departments? Only time will tell.

State Government Sells Trust Sites To Pay For Police (06/03/2017)
Amid rising crime waves, serial murders, rapes, arson and strange rat plagues, an FOI request by Burnside historian Tammy Gouger has revealed that the State Government has sold off historic sites to pay for public safety. Reports and memos highlighted three historic locations in Adelaide that the Government was holding in trust that have been effectively privatised to pay for an increased police presence in Adelaide. Carrick Hill, Kandahar and Mount Breckan properties were sold off to private investors in January after being identified as no longer being cost-effective for government maintenance. The immediate capital raised has not been disclosed though budget reports indicate that the ongoing savings of these savings approach nearly two million dollars a year in salaries alone.

Hindley Street Gunfire, Dozens Injured (05/03/2017)
Dozens of late night revelers were injured Saturday night as panic gripped Hindley Street. The sound of automatic weapons fire was heard at around 11pm, sending pedestrians and alfresco diners into a panic. Police call centers were quickly flooded with calls but few callers could provide many details. Dozens of people were injured as they fled the area. A daylight search revealed brass casings most likely fired from an American assault rifle. With no witnesses, no bodies, no blood and no one yet reported missing, investigators are at a loss to explain the incident. Detractors of the current government are calling it a terrorist act to popularize the recent decision to legislate extraterritoriality by making the wider population fearful.


Cowboys And Indians Shootout Baffles Police (03/03/2017)
Adelaide police at baffled by a murderous party game. Police were called to Thorndon Park, Paradise, just after midday when local residents reported gun shots. Witnesses claim they saw a group of people playing 'cowboys and Indians' in the park with live weapons. The deadly game has taken the lives of twelve participants. One potential survivor with non-lethal arrow wounds took their own life as police arrived, claiming "you'll never take me alive!". Initial investigations have found no obvious links between the competitors in this deadly game.

Body Found In Playground (02/03/2017)
Hamra Centre, Hilton - the site of another gruesome murder. Garbage truck driver Ken Worth was horrified to find a body wedged at the top of the community centre's playground slippery slide while collecting the park's bin. The local resident's identity has been supressed but sources indicate the victim has been out late the previous night collecting Pokémon from the many stops surrounding the park. The cause of death has been described as 'a killing blow to the head' before the body was dragged up the slipper slide and allowed to bleed out down the slide. Witnesses are urged to come forward.

Extraterritoriality Framework In Place (02/03/2017)
Parliamentary debate from the 14th to the 16th of February has resulted in legislation being put forward to implement extraterritoriality laws in South Australia. While the extent to which these laws will affect the greater population is unknown, what is certain is that private security and legal firms are most likely to gain from these legislated changes.

Bizarre Twist in Rat Murder Case (26/02/2017)
Patrons of the North Adelaide Golf Club looking forward to a few early morning rounds of golf arrived to a gruesome sight this morning. The bodies of over two dozen rats were found laid out on the fairway in precise formation in order to spell out the statement, "we know who you are, stop killing humans or you're next". Several reports from North Adelaide residents overnight leading up to the findings confirm that a large group of rats were seen being led by a "literal pied piper" towards the area where the morbid message was found. The man has been described as wearing a green harlequin mask, green cap and cloak and holding a flute.

Child Missing, Parents Angry (23/02/2017)
Parents of a missing Walford student have voiced anger over the lack of action in finding their daughter. Mr and Mrs Nesbit have made scathing comments against the Department of Education and Child Development as well as the Department for Child Protection and view the departments as too bound by red tape to be useful. Both departments have given similar responses, citing that as the missing student is 18, legally an adult, there is no legal requirement for them to continue their education and missing persons is a police issue. An overworked police department has stated that while all leads in the missing person case are being followed, a letter written by Katie Nesbit for her parents indicates that she left home of her own volition.

North Adelaide House Fire (23/02/2017)
Hopes that the spate of arson attacks that have plagued Adelaide over the last 12 months have been dashed with yet another deliberately lit fire in North Adelaide. The fire was first noticed by residents on Barnard Street just after midday yesterday. The spread and damage caused by the fire indicates that not only was it deliberately lit, but was carefully planned to destroy the house and everything inside. No one appears to have been hurt in the blaze, and police are searching for the owner of the property.

Clockwork Heist (22/02/2017)
Antiques dealers and second-hand stores across Norwood have been the targets of a series of robberies over the past week. A total of five antique grandfather clocks in addition to over three dozen pocket watches, wrist watches, clocks and other timepieces estimated to be worth upwards of $200,000 in total have been stolen. Police are asking for any persons with information to come forward.

AMAZING Aircraft Leaves Adelaide Airport (20/02/2017)
Aircraft spotters who have yet to catch a glimpse of the unique blimp The Ariadne have missed their chance. The super-high-tech lighter-than-air ship has departed Adelaide Airport overnight just as unexpectedly as it arrived. The blimp's origins and construction remain a mystery as it does not match the production specifications of any other commercially produced aircraft. The owner, Mr Gen Eric of Brisbane, has been unavailable for comment on the origins of the mystery-shrouded air-ship.

AMAZING Aircraft At Adelaide Airport (17/02/2017)
A new type of blimp, never before seen in South Australia, has made it's first landing at Adelaide Airport. "The Ariadne", registered to a Mr Gen Eric, touched down last night after the normal curfew of 11pm thanks to it's solar-powered electric engines. The blimp has thrilled local plane-spotters as it appears to be a unique custom-made vehicle. The registered owner, Mr Gen Eric, was unavailable for comment as to why the amazing new vehicle is in Adelaide, how much it cost or how anyone would go about ordering their own. The blimp's registered flights indicate it will be at the airport until the 19th, so enthusiasts wishing to get a photo of the unique aircraft are advised to use macroscopic lenses from the western viewing bay on Tapleys Hill Road.

Arsonists Die In Own Fire (06/02/2017)
Fire crews responded to calls by Magill residents on Sunday afternoon claiming that a group of men had set fire to the abandoned Magill Youth Training Center. The complex, originally built as an alternative to prison for troubled youths, had been officially decommissioned since 2011 but as yet had not been repurposed or renovated. Fire crews arrived at the scene to find one wing of the complex on fire. The blaze was limited to half the complex. Investigators then found the bodies of four men - confirmed to be the owners of vehicles found parked at the complex - stacked in a pile in one of the rooms of the destroyed section of the building. Police interviews with local residents have failed to turn up any further information.

Rat Murders Continue (06/02/2017)
It is now obvious that there is a serial killer targeting the streets of North Adelaide. A third body has been found in the vicinity of Wellington Square. The body of a local woman was found by council workers on Monday morning as they tended to the square's plant beds. Similar to the previous two cases, the body was found exsanguinated and chewed to the point of irrecognisability by rodents.


Mint Condition Jaguar Found In Farm Shed (03/02/2017)
A rare 1994 Jaguar XJ in near-mint condition has been found in a farm shed near the town of Burra in South Australia. The car, one of only 6000 made, has an estimated auction value of $500,000. The discovery has prompted rural property owners to check their back sheds to see if there are any other rare finds hiding out there. The property owners have reported that they have no idea how long the car had been hiding in their shed, and engine number checks have revealed nothing about who the owner might be. While very much a collectors item, the XJ Jaguar is impractical for rural use and will probabyl go to auction.

Drug Crisis Continues (02/02/2017)
The massive increase in availability and drop in price of drugs on the Adelaide streets continues to keep emergency wards full. Not only the acute cases of overdose or poisoning turning up, but secondary cases like the victims of drug-related violence or vehicle accidents.

Orangutans Play Computer Games (30/1/2017)
Melbourne Zoo staff have used Xbox Kinnect and interactive whiteboard technology to let intelligent primates play computer games on the floor of their enclosure. The games demonstrate how intelligent the primates are, and zoo staff hope that by showing the orangutans can play computer games, more people will be able to develop a bond with and appreciate the animals.

Dismembered Corpse Found In Washing Machine (29/1/2017)
Single mother of two Glenys Hadcombe was found dead by her children Sunday afternoon. Her two children, Dana and Krait, found their mother when they visited for a regular Sunday lunch gathering. When neither the doorbell or calling their mother's mobile phone gave a response, the son and daughter entered the house by the unlocked back door. A quick search revealed no sign of the missing parent but a second search revealed small bloodied handprints in the laundry. The horrified children found the dismembered corpse of their mother stashed in the washing machine.

State Government To Review Extraterritoriality (27/1/2017)
Pushes by private businesses, security companies and individuals from Adelaide's upper class have successfully resulted in taking the extraterritoriality debate to the Stat Government. The breakthrough will be debated in parliament from the 14th to the 16th of February with representatives from the Crown Solicitor's Office and the Australian Defense Force in attendance.

Cult Murders Shatter Folk Music Festival (27/1/2017)
The Australia Day folk music festival in the Mount Lofty Botanical Gardens was, for most people, a day to celebrate the music of the country and food of the region. Event organisers cleaning up at the end of the day found the bodies of two people partially hidden in a stormwater drain. The two victims, unrelated to each other, appear to have been killed in a bizarre cult ritual: puncture wounds to the neck lead to death through blood loss. If further forensic evidence links these murders to similar recent killings around the state, police may call in a federal task force.

Second Rat-Chewed Corpse Found In North Adelaide (26/1/2017)
Police and animal behaviorists are stumped by the discovery of a second rat-chewed body in North Adelaide. With no known witnesses, a barely identifiable corpse and only geographic location and modus operandi linking the two deaths, police are urging anyone with any information to contact them directly or anonymously through Crime Stoppers.

Adelaide Walk-In Clinic To Re-open (24/1/2017)
In a step forward against the declining health services, the Adelaide Walk-In Clinic will reopen in March. The facility went into administration when government funding ceased in 2016, coinciding with the opening of a series of smaller 24 hour clinics in each corner of the CDB. When the business model for those clinics failed the city was left with very few 24 hour medical services other than hospital Emergency Departments. The opening of the Walk-In Clinic, a facility specifically for people who need medical attention but are not in a life-threatening condition, is expected to be a boon for the overstressed health service.

Evidence Of Experimental Weaponry Found (24/1/2017)
CSIRO and DSTO staff have released a report on cartridge cases handed in to a suburban police station in October. The cartridges appear to be miniaturised variant of an experimental plasma-based weapons system currently being developed by the US military. Investigators are not yet ready to declare the find an authentic advancement in weapons technology - in which case a search would be on for the designers and manufacturers - or an elaborate hoax hinting at weapons systems with incredible range and accuracy.

Corpse Left Unrecognizable (24/1/2017)
A body found in Frederick Place, North Adelaide, has been confirmed as that of a local resident today. The body, found Sunday morning, has taken so long to identify as it had been severely chewed on by rodents. The cause of death is yet to be determined and authorities are concerned about the sudden change in animal behaviour. The Adelaide City Council has set up a hotline for concerned residents to report rat sightings and request trappers and exterminators.

Corpse Found In Parklands (23/1/2017)
A body has been found in the parklands between Brouhgman Place and King William Road. Behavioural Analysts have linked the murder to several others cases over the last six months though still do not have an accurate description or motive for the killings.


Australia Day Folk Festival (18/1/2017)
The Mount Lofty Botanic Gardens will host an Australian Folk Music Festival on Australia Day. The festival will celebrate the works of famous Australian country singer Slim Dusty, former Northern Territory premier Ted Egan, controversial and shamed artist Rolf Harris and many other artists who have contributed to the genre of Australian country music. Produce from Adelaide Hills orchards, micro-breweries and other small and local businesses will be available. Due to limited parking, a bus service will be offered from the Adelaide Showgrounds car park on Greenhill Road with services running hourly.

House Fire Deepens Conspiracy (18/1/2017)
Major Crime officers have confirmed that a West Lakes house that burnt down last week was the residence of missing high-society poster-child Rose Blackthorne. Reports indicate that no bodies were found inside the building and no one was hurt but the fire did appear to be deliberately lit.

Bouncer Assaults Club-Goer (15/1/2017)
A bouncer at popular Adelaide nightclub Bars Mar has been arrested after a brutal assault on a club patron. The bouncer was seen leaving his post at the club entrance to extract a patron from the club's main dance floor. Several witnesses are being interviewed by police, but initial reports indicate the assault was unprovoked. Police are looking for a "gosh-darn handsome man" of Mediterranean decent who was seen having an argument with the victim earlier that night and was later seen watching the assault as it took place on the footpath outside the club.

Rotunda Roulette (11/1/2017)
Authorities are at a complete loss to explain the deaths of six people at the Elder Park Rotunda on Tuesday evening. Pedestrians fled and police were called when gun shots were heard at approximately 5:30pm. Emergency response crews arrived to find six people wearing maids and butlers costumes all suffering from self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the head in what looks like a bizarre suicide pact. The only clues as to what happened were social media messages from one of the maids sent moments before the shootings that declared "Playing Reverse Russian Roulette!".

Emergency Wards Overflowing (02/1/2017)
Emergency wards in every one of Adelaide's hospitals were over capacity over the New Year's weekend. Where the weeks lading up to the holiday period had seen a decrease in recreational drug availability, New Years Eve itself reversed this trend with several recreational and very dangerous drugs flooding the market at record low prices. At some venues a drug dose could be bought for less than the price of a premixed drink. The result is a spate of overdoses and people taking new drugs for the first time.

Elderly Couple Killed In Garage (31/12/2016)
Paralowie retirees Mr and Mrs Henderson were found dead at their home on Sunday afternoon. The couple, noted absent from their regular Sunday morning church service, were found by fellow parishioners who visited the Paralowie residence out of concern. The couple were found in their car in the property's garage. An autopsy is still to be performed to discover the cause of death, and wether the removal of the couple's feet occurred before or after death.

Boxing Day Massacre (26/12/2016)
Eight are reported dead and a further twenty-six injured after a confrontation between rival outlaw motorcycle gangs Black Wings MC and Gravedirt MC at Sam Johnson Sportsground in Renown Park. The shootout started when the President of the Gravedirt MC, Jimmy Limbash, confronted members of the Black Wings MC who were attending a social function at the sportsground. Police Commissioner Edward Newgent has released a statement saying that the police will be charging all persons involved and will be launching a full investigation into the events leading up to the massacre.

Four Horsemen Of Christmas (23/12/2016)
The states emergency services are keeping a record number of staff on alert over the Christmas and New Years break as analysts predict social catastrophe is on the horizon. As previously reported the late spring rains have lead to an increase in vermin populations that are currently being driven south towards Adelaide by bushfires. A suburban shootout between established outlaw motorcycle clubs in Adelaide newcomers 'Goats MC' looks like the tip of the iceberg for gang warfare. Underprivileged South Australians will not see a reprieve from their daily struggles as suspected theft and fraud shatter the charitable atmosphere of Christmas. Hospital and ambulance crews are also on the alert for people choosing to take recreational drugs to celebrate the silly season as a 'statewide shortage' leads to some users trying to manufacturer their own and others turning to household chemicals. Followers of Nora Roth are preparing for the world to end in the next few days while others believe the end will come with a Solar Eclipse on August 21st, 2017.

Rape And Murder Hit Country Towns (23/12/2016)
The small country towns of Balaklava, Port Wakefield and Snowtown have been left in shock as each town has been hit by a series of similar sexual assaults and murders. Initially thought to be isolated events, investigations have identified similarities between the incidents that lead police to suspect a serial rapist/murderer is attacking country towns to the north of Adelaide. Port Wakefield resident and mechanic Graham Peach expresses the town's opinion succinctly: "This is f***ed up b*****it. Some mother****** is wrecking up Christmas for the lot of us. Them towns in the South East had clowns - at least you can tell who the clowns are. We got some sneaky f*** that noone can tell who it is."

Volunteer Organisations Say Christmas Turned Sinister (22/12/2016)
Many South Australian disadvantaged will be turned away from shelters and aid agencies this year following a series of disappearances of Christmas donations, and large scale absenteeism of volunteers. "Even if we were able to get more donations, we wouldn't be able to deploy them appropriately this late." Said Lawrence Foley, a volunteer coordinator for St Vincent de Pauls. A number of shelters will be closed following these suspected thefts, and investigations by South Australian police are ongoing.

Drug Lab Restoration 'A Miracle' (18/12/2016)
Victor Harbor residents have reported that a house containing a drug lab that burnt down last week has been restored. The free-standing house had been extensively damages in an explosion and subsequent fire caused by dangerous chemicals used to produce methamphetamines. Windows had been blown out and the roof had partially collapsed. Members of the public and official investigators have photos of the house in its damaged state, but today it appears undamaged and in a very similar condition to before the explosion. Clean-up crews have returned to the site to search for and remove the precursor chemicals used in the drug manufacturing process but have no explanation for the buildings miraculous repair.

Blackthorne Conspiracy Continues (14/12/2016)
In another blow to the Adelaide-based Blackthorne Empire, police are now searching for Rosemary Blackthorne. Police initially wished to speak with Miss Blackthorne over the disappearance of her brother and real-estate magnate, Andrew Blackthorne, and the bizarre circumstance surround the alleged suicide of his personal assistant. While unavailable at the time due to interstate business travel, Rosemary had since returned to Adelaide and had been seen by a number of influential people in the city's upper class. Business associates became concerned at her unexpected skipping of meetings and Police had already flagged her as a person of interest when she was reported missing. Miss Blackthorne was last seen in the suburb of Teringue being dropped off on Glen Stuart Road by a taxi driver. Surviving members of the family were unavailable for comment in what appears to be a targeted assassination of the heirs to the Blackthorne Empire.

Retail Sales Boom Leading Up To Holidays (13/12/2016)
Australians loosened their purse strings in the lead up to Christmas, with those in South Australia increasing their spending the most. Retail sales figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics rose by 0.4 per cent in November, in line with economists' expectations. Spending rose to $24.8 billion during November, with groceries, household goods and spending at cafes and restaurants rising most strongly in the month. In a hit to department stores, sales fell 0.8 per cent, after a 3.6 per cent rise in October. Deutsche Bank said the result was the first time since April "larger stores" posted weaker monthly growth than smaller retailers. In a note to clients, Westpac senior economist Matthew Hassan said the results were stronger than the headline numbers suggested. "Households are more comfortable with their family finances, against the backdrop of stronger job gains," Mr Hassan wrote. "International tourism numbers are rising at a healthy clip, boosted by the lower dollar, another plus for retailers." Reuters said the Australian retail industry was worth $290 billion a year and was the second biggest employer with 1.25 million workers.

Disadvantaged Blessed As Charity Rates Skyrocket (13/12/2016)
South Australian homeless and disadvantaged are being thought of by Adelaide as donations of time, goods, and money are at record highs. Aid organisations are pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of support, but are still asking for more. Said Jonathan Williams from the Salvation Army "The Christmas Spirit is truly visible in the actions of the people of South Australia."

Suicide Confirmed In Deadly House Fire (13/12/2016)
A series of housefires in Adelaide's South that claimed four lives has been confirmed to have been intentionally set by a man who then committed suicide on the premises. The man, who investigators have not released the name of, is also thought to be involved in the recent disappearance of a woman from the area. If you need help, please contact Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14.


Backyard Drug Lab Explosion (10/12/2016)
A Victor Harbor home became the target of fire, police and ambulance services yesterday after neighbours reported an explosion. The explosion was allegedly caused by equipment and chemicals used in the production of methamphetamine. One person has been arrested and another is under police protection in hospital until they regain consciousness.

War On Drugs Mixed Victory (10/12/2016)
Law enforcement agencies have reported successfully tracking down and dismantling a ring of five backyard drug labs over the last week. The investigation, triggered by the bulk purchasing of several base ingredients, lead to the closure of the labs and the arrest of 11 individuals, some of whom already had a criminal history. Police and Health Department representatives agree that the proliferation of backyard labs during a 'drug drought' can only have negative effects on society.

A Capella Performance Woos Diners (9/12/2016)
Late night diners at Primos, Marion, were treated to an unexpected unaccompanied performance by the little-known group Sofo Kantisto. The singers, who arrived in Adelaide earlier this week, plan to perform at venues around the city before Mad March, when they claim events like Womadelaide and the Fringe will actually hamper their efforts to break into the live entertainment scene. "When everyone's doing it", stated lead singer Pitr, "it's hard to get noticed. So we are hear early to entertain in the warm summer nights before the city fills up with artists". Their next performance will be at La Boheme on Saturday night.

Titanium Theft Baffles Authorities (6/12/2016)
Port Adelaide defense fabricators are missing two tonnes of industrial grade titanium sheets. AFP and ADF task forces are working together to investigate the robbery, that also included two forklifts. Police are appealing to the public for anyone who might have seen anything regarding this.

Two Out Of Three Students Found (5/12/2016)
Bodies of two of the three students previously reported missing have been found. The corpses were discovered by Angus Fry, owner of Fry's Meats, Henley Beach. Mr Fry was woken at approximately 2am by his shop's alarm system. Driving to the scene, Mr Fry found that the butcher's shop had been broken into and the bodies of two students hung from meat hooks in the walk-in fridge. Mr Fry is seeking counselling while police investigate the scene, but has stated that given the circumstance, all equipment in the shop will be sterilised and all meat stock disposed rather than risk selling contaminated product to the public. The third student, female, is still unaccounted for.

Students Missing (5/12/2016)
Three students from Henley High School have been reported missing. Police and parents are concerned for the children due to the sighting of clowns in the area over the weekend.

Clowns Sighted In Adelaide (4/12/2016)
The trio of clowns suspected to be behind the string of country town terrorist acts has been spotted in Adelaide. Three clowns in blood-stained costumes were seen in Henley Square late Sunday night. Police were called to the square but the clowns evaded capture.

House Fire Claims Three Lives (4/12/2016)
A series of housefires in Adelaide's South claimed three lives, with one more in critical condition following a fire overnight. Fire Authorites have asked that anyone observing any unusual activity in the area to contact police. It is thought that the inital fire spread to neighbouring homes, and arson is suspected following the recovery of a body with gunshot injuries.

House Collapses In North East (4/12/2016)
The Catholic church is asking for donations and support following one of their Domestic Violence shelters collapsing last night. Structural defects are suspected in the incident that caused at least seven deaths.

Jonathan Huntsman dinner great success (2/12/2016)
The Johnathan Huntsman Dinner, a white tie event to raise funds in aid of assisting Adelaide's growing prevelence of homelessness. Over 950 thousand dollars were raised over the evening. (Includes a number of photos)

Clown Arrested At Parliament House (01/12/2016)
A woman dressed in a clown costume was arrested outside parliament house yesterday. Charges include creating a public disturbance, resisting arrest and a number of other minor offenses. A full psychiatric evaluation is pending.

Landscaper Found Dead In Fish Pond (01/12/2016)
A Green Hornet Lanscaping employee was found dead in fiberglass fish pond this morning. The 28 year old man was found with his hands hacked off and the fish pond's pump still circulating blood through a small fountain. Police are treating the death as suspicious.

Living In The Fridge" (01/12/2016)
In a potentially lethal mistake two living people were accidentally sent to the Lyal McEwan hospital's morgue earlier this week. The two unfortunate people, who apparently knew each other, were accidentally put into refrigeration normally reserved for bodies being stored pending an autopsy. Fortunately the unlucky couple drew the attention of hospital staff who let them out of storage. An investigation is being carried out to determine exactly how this mistake occurred and to ensure it does not happen again.

Shoot-Out At Bhuddist Temple (29/11/2016)
Alarmed residents reported a gathering of a mixed group of motorcycle club members at a Bhuddist temple in Parafield. The gathering, consisting of representatives of five outlaw MC groups, quickly turned hostile and shots were fired. Police arrived at the scene and found evidence of a shootout and signs of injury but no bodies. Four motorcycles were impounded and the temple patrons are advised that services have been halted until further notice. A number of homeless people were being kept on-site and have been relocated to housing and care facilities around Adelaide.

Costumes Stolen (29/11/2016)
Costumeland, Melrose Park, was broken into last night and several hundred dollars worth of merchandise has been stolen. The theft involved a stolen car ram-raiding the doors to the shop. The car used in the burglary was found this morning, apparently having been run into a tree in the suburb of Clarence Gardens.


Hjalmar To Play In Adelaide (22/11/2016)
Almost unheard-of Icelandic reggea band Hjalmar have scheduled a tour to Adelaide. When asked why, drummer Helgi Svavar Helgason responded that they got drunk one night and were 'surfing wiki looking for places names after Queens', found Adelaide and decided to launch a tour.

Cat Stolen In House Break-In (21/11/2016)
Hector of Barnard Street, North Adelaide, has reported a break-in to his premises. Home and asleep at the time, Hector was most concerned that the break-in happened and even more worried about what was stolen - one cat answering to the name La Croix, a bowl, three tins of cat food and a box of cat biscuits. Hector is offering a reward for the return of the cat.

Coonalpyn Police Shootout With Clowns (19/11/2016)
Only one night after being called to a horrific clown attack at Tintinara, Coonalpyn police had their second encounter with the trio the media are now dubbing as the 'insane clown posse'. Three clowns appeared out the front of the Coonalpyn police station, challenging the police to catch them. The three on-duty officers approached the trio and could be heard telling them to lay on the ground with their hands on the backs of their heads. When the clowns did not comply, shots were fired. Despite being hit, the clowns fled the scene and evaded police pursuit, suggesting that they were wearing body armour underneath their clown suits or were acting under the influence of drugs.

Tintinara Rouadhouse Horror (18/11/2016)
The horrific rampage of country clowns continues with the Tintinara roadhouse being targeted. Three clowns entered the roadhouse at just after 9:30pm. Most patrons and staff fled and were allowed to leave, but one patron, truck driver Grant Wincenty who was in the bathroom at the time, was not allowed to leave. Mr Wincenty was killed and parts of his body fed through a meat slicer. Coonalpyn police responded immediately to several calls from Tintinara but were unable to apprehend the clowns, despite claims from witnesses that the clowns never left the roadhouse. "It's like they turned up, killed the truckie and vanished!" claims one patron.

Keith BP Attacked By Clowns (14/11/2016)
The Keith BP outlet was attacked by the same trio of clowns that previously struck Bordertown and Padthaway. The attack was discovered by Tilling Stevens, a truck river who had pulled in for a snack. Mr Stevens was first alerted that something was wrong when he noticed the petrol station appeared to be flooded. CFS crews were quickly called to the scene when it was discovered that the petrol bowsers had been left running with their handles held in by duct tape. Later a small bbq was found running at the edge of the carpark. Fortunately it was a cold night and the area was discovered before the bbq could ignite the spilled fuel. It was, however, too late to prevent the atrocity that occurred inside the petrol station. Night shift attendant Bert Mossam was discovered dismembered in the depot's drinks fridge. The words "Hell Keep" were smeared on the fridge's glass doors in Bert's own blood. In response BP has reduced the opening hours of all country service stations to daylight hours only until the clowns are caught.

SA Electric Cars Go Flat (14/11/2016)
With the closure of the Victorian Ford plant and the imminent closure of the Holden and Toyota facilities in Australia, things were looking pretty grim for the manufacturing sector. The last beacon of hope for an Australian automotive industry went out when a little-known start-up pulled the pin on plans to develop and build an electric car in Adelaide. When approached by reporters DSD, DIPTI and DTIE staff were unaware of the development, indicating it was a completely privately backed. The opening of R&D and manufacturing facilities could easily have preserved the jobs of current Holden employees as well as preventing hundred of tons of greenhouse emissions and going a long way to making South Australia the greenest state.

Local Farmer On The Run (14/11/2016)
Jack West, a Mt Barker resident and owner of a small farm, is on the run from police. Events that started with a motor vehicle accident quickly became violent when the passenger of Mr West's Hilux, known as 'Randy', assaulted the driver of the stationary car that the Hilux collided with. The victim filed reports with police and a summons to court was issued for Mr West. Further investigations have shown that Mr West has transferred ownership of his property to the day manager of the farm and has apparently fled the city. Warrants have been issued for the arrest of Jack West and his accomplice, 'Randy', for dangerous driving, failing to exchange details after a motor vehicle collision, assault, recklessly causing grievous bodily harm and failing to appear in court.

Hospital Revival (14/11/2016)
The short-lived Adelaide Emergency Walk-In Clinic may see new life after being bought out by private investors. The hospital, opened in 2013, lost government after the opening of private mini-facilities in each corner of the CBD. The four mini-facilities have now closed - the CEO of the parent company nowhere to be found - leaving a gap in Adelaide's medical services. Last week's purchase of the AEWIC facility and their focus on dealing with walk-in or ambulatory emergencies will relieve pressure on ER and ICU departments in Adelaide's other hospitals and fill the gap between medical issues that can be serviced by a GP and those that need the life-preserving attention of a dedicated ICU.

Psycho Vampire Attack In Northern Suburbs (14/11/2016)
Geoff Palmerston was walking the short distance home from a Salisbury Highway bus stop when he was attacked by two unidentified individuals. "I was walking home like I do every night. I didn;t pay any attention to the two people cause, hey, everyone's allowed to use the footpath, right? I heard running and then wham, one of them had grabbed me and was biting my f---ing neck. Their friend grabbed me too, and I was shoutin' and hollerin'. I guess I got the attention of people from their houses cause some lights came on and they runned off." The speed of the assault and location midway between street lights has left investigators with very few details on the attackers.

Murder Hobo Dumps Body In Street, Runs (14/11/2016)
A motorist in the northern suburbs made a gruesome discovery driving home on Saturday night. She caught a poorly dressed man allegedly trying to hide a corpse under a manhole cover. Forensics indicate the man was only very recently killed. Medical authorities are concerned about the cause of death.


PA Commits Suicide Over Missing Boss (11/11/2016)
Residents of Brooklyn Towers are in shock over an apparent suicide that took place in the tower's penthouse over the weekend. Jessica Brooke, PA to Brooklyn Towers owner Andrew Blackthorne, was found dead by police on Wednesday morning. Tower residents noticed changes in Ms Brooke's behavior approximately four weeks ago, but noone expected what has just occurred. Ms Brooke was found in the penthouse, doors locked form the side, and allegedly chewed through her own wrists and bled to death. The words "He's gone" were found scrawled on almost every writing surface in the suite. The case is being treated as suspicious and police are now searching for Ms Brooke's employer, Mr Andrew Blackthorne. Anyone with any information on the whereabouts of Mr Andrew Blackthrone is asked to contact their local police station or Crime Stoppers.

Bordertown Next Stop For Horror (11/11/2016)
Bordertown in the south-east is the latest town to be terrorised by a group of three individuals disguised as clowns. The Bordertown RSL was broken into and vandalised overnight. The Flamingo Boutique suffered extensive damage during a burglary and the store's owner was strangled to death with a garter belt. Items of lingerie were stolen and later found strewn over the WW2 artillery piece in the town's memorial park. The three clowns were also seen smashing letterboxes from the back of a stolen ute. Country police are urging all townsfolk to stay indoors at night, to always keep their cell phone with them and to report any suspicious activity immediately.

Duck Duck Goose (02/11/2016)
Students and walkers have noticed that a lone goose has made its home on the banks of the River Torrens in Adelaide. The goose joins several species duck (wood, black, mallard) and other birds that call the river home. The public is reminded that several birds have the ability to put just half of their body to sleep at a time, and if the goose is seen standing on one leg with one eye shut it is not neccessarily injured and the Adelaide City Council does not need to be called.

Police Warning To Clown Copycats (06/11/2016)
Police advice regarding imitating the clowns that have been terrorizing the south east is simple: "Don't". In a press statement the South Australian Chief of Police has stated that in the interest of public safety and well-being, officers have been instructed to treat all clowns out at night as armed and dangerous. The STAR Group has been put on alert and the Crown Solicitor's Office has advised that anyone disguising themself as a clown who does not immediately follow police instructions may invoke the Terrorism Act 2005, which includes special clauses regarding the use of reasonable force. Critics of the state claim this is a knee-jerk overreaction to the high number of unsolved crimes in Adelaide so far this year. Clown advocate groups are claiming discrimination.

Halloween Murder Stops Town (01/11/2016)
The small South Australian town of Padthaway has come to a complete halt after the death of the town's only qualified petrol station attendant. Zach Winslow had kept the petrol station open late on Monday night as a convenience for townsfolk participating in trick-or-treat. Security footage reveals that a group of three disguised people entered the service station, browsed the store for a short time and then attacked Mr Winslow with wrenches and hammers. Mr Winslow's body was cut into pieces that were hidden in the store's slurpee machines. The clowns stayed at the store long enough sell the contaminated slurpees to two different groups of customers.

Davoran Park Man Found Dead (01/11/2016)
A Davoran Park man was found dead by correctional services officers on a routine visit to his home. The man's identity has been withheld pending an investigation.

Patient Missing From RAH ICU (26/10/2016)
RAH administration have been cooperating with police experts to discover how a patient in the Intensive Care Unit disappeared in October. The patient, who was considered braindead and was being kept alive until his next of kin could be reached, disappeared from his bed part-way through a scheduled check by nursing staff. The ICU's video footage reveals a moment of corrupt data and all staff working at the time have been interviewed. Investigators have even spoken to other ICU patients and the matter remains a mystery.


Country Wedding Crashed By Clowns (24/10/2016)
A wedding in Penola was crashed by individuals dressed as clowns on Sunday. Three clowns forced their way into the entertainment hall of the Coonawarra Must hotel where the reception for the newly wedded Mr and Mrs Carmichael was being held. A number of guests were assaulted and two were dragged outside into the carpark before the clowns escaped into thee darkness.

Missing Girl Spotted By Police (17/10/2016)
A teenager girl missing since 2014 has been spotted by police Adelaide on Saturday night. Officers found Rayne Lane in the company of an unlicensed motorbike rider. She ran when asked for identification. Police and medical professionals have been asked to keep on the lookout for this person. "It's amazing" said Inspector Creden, "that someone on the streets would look so much like their last photograph."

Family Pet Brutalised (17/10/2016)
Mr and Mrs Jackson of Newton were shocked when their six year old daughter discovered a dead cat in their back yard. Natural causes of death have been ruled out as the cat appears to have been eviscerated on both flanks and the body was found drained of blood.


Pastor Murdered In Own Home (10/10/2016)
Local communities are in shock after a Pastor from the Trinity Lutheran Church in Hope Valley was found dead in his home. The body was discovered by a young couple who were visiting the pastor for marriage counseling and found his house open. The Pastor was found tied to a chair in the house's bathroom. Initial reports indicate that he had been assaulted with a sharp instrument and had been left to bleed to death. Authorities are hoping that the church congregation can assist with the investigation as there were 'surprisingly few' clues in the pastor's house.

Popular Local Guy Stabbed To Death (09/10/2016)
A North Adelaide resident was found dead this morning in backstreets not far from his home. The man, a well-known and frequent patron of the Lion's Head hotel, was discovered by early morning joggers and appears to have been stabbed several times and left to bleed out in the gutter. Police are asking witnesses to come forward.

Car Thief Found Dead (09/10/2016)
A car thief was found dead in a car he was stealing from this morning. The gruesome discovery was made near the corner of Margaret Street and Ward Street.

Good Samaritan Saves Homeless Woman (09/10/2016)
A hospitality worker returning home from night shift came to the rescue of a homeless woman who was staying on a park bench Saturday night. The shift worker, Lucille Dufresne, has been hailed as a hero by hospital staff. "Without her efforts, the lady in question would undoubtedly had died from exposure", commented one of the Women's and Children's Hospital staff. "This city would be a much nicer place if more people cared about others the way Lucille did."

Mysterious Box Left In The City (7/10/2016)
A large metal box was left just off Pitt Street, next to Her Majesty's Theatre, last night. The box was severely damaged and blocked an exit from a residential carpark, leading to residents fuming. The box has been taken by Adelaide City Council while they investigate who left the box.

Clean Up Or Get Snakes (2/10/2016)
Wildlife and ecology experts are advising both rural and metropolitan residents prioritise cleaning up after the recent floods to prevent plague levels of snakes. The argument being put forward is that the high rainfall and warmer weather will increase rodent breeding, and feral cats, foxes and snakes will take advantage of this.

Wild Storms Leave Death In Their Path (2/10/2016)
Wild storms have lashed the state over the last two days, leaving a repair bill in the millions. While power companies scramble to fix the network, reports of backup power failure at at least three South Australian hospitals has lead to the deaths of critically ill and two people undergoing surgery. Backup failures happened in the Royal Adelaide Hospital, Port Lincoln Hospital and Ceduna District Hospital. Police have also reported the deaths of many homeless people who were caught in the storm and unable to get to homeless shelters within the CBD. "We need more centres, even one in each part of the CBD would be a dream..." said Judy March of the Salvation Army.


Portrush Road Backlog (22/09/2016)
Morning traffic in the eastern suburbs ground to a halt this morning after the overnight collapse of a section of Portrush Road in Glenunga. Initial investigations indicate a burst water main that is suspected to have weakened the road's foundation. Discussions have begun between the several government departments and Water SA as to who will foot the bill for repair costs. Motorists are urged to find alternate routes and vehicles weighing more than 7t are prohibited from using Portrush Road until a seismic survey has been completed. This is not expected to impact on the upcoming Bay to Birdwood classic car run.

Serial Rapist Targets Salisbury Area (21/09/2016)
Police and community groups are urging northern suburb residents not to travel alone after dark after several incidents of sexual assault were reported this week. Each alleged incident occurred in the suburb of Salisbury and after dark. Descriptions from the victims who have come forward so far are all similar, describing a tall, handsome, well-dressed hispanic man with green eyes.

North Adelaide Housefire (20/09/2016)
North Adelaide residents reported a housefire to the MFS last night. The property, 16 Curtiss Street, was vacant and for sale. The fire appears to have been deliberately lit but noone was hurt.


Adelaide Pride Attacked (17/09/2016)
Pride Models, Kent Town, was the location for the latest inhuman assault on the population of Adelaide. The modelling agency was hosting a development night for potential new recruits to the industry on Friday night when events turned into a scene from a horror film. Statements from the single survivor indicate that at least a dozen persons unknown to the agency entered the building just after 11:30pm and quickly established control over the studio. The survivor, an underage girl trying to break into modelling, has described the assailants as "shadows that move without sound". The attackers then killed the female models and staff by "pointing their faces to the ceiling (before) slicing their necks" and forcing the underage girl to paint messages with their blood on the floor and walls of the studio. The messages include the following statements:
"Gabriel the Destroyer will punish your Pride"
"God's Monster wants you to fear"
"Haughty Eyes"
"The First Sin"
A total of 41 bodies have been recovered and identified. The sixteen male models registered to the event have not been located.

Mall Slaughter Shocks City (15/09/2016)
Adelaide residents face yet more horror as seven bodies were found dumped in Rundle Mall this morning. The bodies, discovered just after 4:30am, were left with messages of a religious nature warning against the sin of Pride. All seven people have been identified and do not seem to be related. The site has been cordoned off while forensics teams search for clues.

Stones-Inspired Graffiti (14/09/2016)
A university student has been detained by police after a string of surprisingly tidy acts of graffiti in the suburn of Northgate late night. The bizarre spate, the result of which is an entire street of houses with their front doors painted black, is considered by police to be confusing but mostly harmless. Upon being detained by police the student began singing the 1960's song "Paint It Black" by The Rolling Stones.

Torrens Weir Opened (14/09/2016)
To prevent flooding the Torrens Weir has been opened to allow rainwater and runoff caught in the Torrens to flow out to sea. Local environmental groups are lobbying state government to put a temporary conduit in place to allow the area formerly known as Lake Albert to be dredged. The area, a common dumping ground for cars and bodies, is suspected of being contaminated with lead, cadmium and other heavy metals that leach out of car chassis.

Blackouts hit Metro Area (12/09/2016)
Recent stormy weather has caused a record number of blackouts in the metropolitan area as the aging power grid struggles against bad weather. Local social activist Travis Burfield states that he woudl have organised a rally outside parliament house but the bad weather would just put people at risk of falling ill.

Mutilations And Kidnapping In Brothel Assault (12/09/2016)
Sex industry workers have been put through a horrifying ordeal when a group of men attacked a suburban brothel. The properly licensed and registered establishment was attacked by a well-coordinated team who took the workers hostage before their leader mutilated the women with what was possibly a ceremonial knife. Security footage is being reviewed to identify the assailants who cut power to the building and made their attack in darkness.