St. Louis Supernatural Tabloid
Description
A tabloid published incredibly irregularly by Amri detailing random events involving St. Louis's many supernatural circles. The public at large views it as Click-Baity dreck, giving it a bit of a cult following similar to that of other satirical news outlets. Amri refuses to comment on whether or not that connection irks them.
June, 2017
Posted June 12th, 2017
NIGHT CONGRESS HITS QUOTE ON CRAZY PEOPLE
Shit, that's supposed to be Quota. How do I backspace? I'lol fix it later.
"Good morning St. Louis, Amri here once again with your weekly totally-not-a-tabloid update! The meeting between city and congressional representatives was marred by--" No, that's horrible.
"Mayor Winchester visited the Hotel St. Jude today to meet with Night Congress representatives. They discussed a proactive political plan--ha, alliteration--to defeat Caligula in the upcoming election. Unfortunately, he caught wind of their meeting and rather unceremoniously barged into the chambers."
Of course, their plan did techncially work, right? He's going to drop out of the race? I guess he won't have to deal with those 'home address' allegations. Oh well. Where was I--
"Sources indicated that the Voice of Alphas released some kind of uber-dog out of a vault. Is that the correct term--I don't think--Stop it, ya jerkoff! Uh--released what appeared to be a terrifyingly powerful Uratha. The back of the vault in question had a note, apparently left by one Augustus Reigns: 'You're fucking welcome.'"
That's nice, innit? Oh, they think--really? Huh. I'll look into that.
What's next? Oh.
"Caligula officially claimed praxis, though deferred the challenge until after his upcoming event in July. He was reported later to have said, 'I have better things to do than coddle insignificant little whelps as they--who's that typing?' Unfortunately the informat was unable to remain."
Something something something something... Didn't someone mention a silver spirit? Oh! Right. This was funny.
"In the lighter news, the Hotel received a new piano! Patrons claim it to be 'incredibly off-putting,' 'kinda creepy,' and 'hey, who are you? Are you recording this?'"
I'll have to rearrange these. It's hard to establish flow when there's so much to talk about. It's like everyone just decided to go nuts all at once. I blame the lunar cycle.
"Officially labored a traitor, the mage known as 'Wolf' was run out of St. Louis--where's the fucking backspace? Labled, I said labled! I hate this program--and his current whereabouts are unknown."
Wait. Was Command and Dictation on? Oh shit, no one say 'send.'
Posted June 13th, 2017
Amri's List of Weird St. Louis Things - Early June Edition
1) County Police Departments are currently investigating a string of assaults/murders. All the witnesses claim to hear 'quacking' throughout the building while the attack takes place. Survivors refused to comment. Apparently I need 'credentials' otherwise I'm 'just some nut job with a LiveJournal.' Rude.
2) Witnesses in Webster Groves claim to have seen a miniature T-Rex crashing through lawns over the past few nights. At least one cat has been reported missing. Keep an eye out for a 3-foot tall lizard with jaws of metaphorical steel apparently.
3) Local astronomers are tracking a previously unidentified astral object--most likely a small comet--that will hit the atmosphere right above Missouri in about a month. Experts say there's nothing to worry about as it is too small to survive re-entry. However, they are puzzled as to how it has gone unnoticed for so long, based on its trajectory.
4) A sudden uptick in random street art has been plaguing city officials over the last 72 hours. There are rumors of an underground contest, though the prize is unknown. Most of the 'installations' depict a usually-glowing/sparkling, emaciated man with long incisors, and usually getting the crap kicked out of them by someone or something or many someones or somethings. Often, the murals include onlookers stylized as roman legionnaires. Some of the murals are even good.
5) Forest Park has a squirrel problem--this morning, a few of them started breathing fire. I lost my favorite pen. It made the most pleasant clicking noises.
6) A large explosion last night damaged one of the Cahokia mounds. Currently assumed to have been a natural gas pocket that had slowly been filling the ground beneath.
7) The morning commute across the Poplar Street Bridge did not go as planned. Cars randomly found themselves facing the wrong way, on top of each other, or just suddenly missing key components--like their driver, now standing on the side of the bridge, incredibly confused. That's probably not good, right? Local media has been advised not run the story, citing 'a 12-car pileup' as the source of the delays.