Difference between revisions of "Adelaide News Stories"

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Last updated: 11/03/16
 
Last updated: 11/03/16
 
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'''Terrorist Attack On Synthblood Warehouse'''
+
'''Terrorist Attack On Synthblood Warehouse'''<BR>
 
A Synthblood storage and distribution facility in Wingfield was attacked by terrorists late last night. The attack left a number of security personel dead and destroyed millions of dollars worth of medical eqipment and supplies. Surviving security staff are working with police to identify the terrorists, of which there were at least six. The terrorists concealed their identities with balaklavas and began the attack by ramming the facility with a truck stolen from a local truck stop. The truck's owner, Raymond 'Pinky' Batts, was assualted during the theft of his truck and was rushed to hospital. He is in a stable condition. Once the terrorists entered the facility, incendiary devices were used to create an explosion.
 
A Synthblood storage and distribution facility in Wingfield was attacked by terrorists late last night. The attack left a number of security personel dead and destroyed millions of dollars worth of medical eqipment and supplies. Surviving security staff are working with police to identify the terrorists, of which there were at least six. The terrorists concealed their identities with balaklavas and began the attack by ramming the facility with a truck stolen from a local truck stop. The truck's owner, Raymond 'Pinky' Batts, was assualted during the theft of his truck and was rushed to hospital. He is in a stable condition. Once the terrorists entered the facility, incendiary devices were used to create an explosion.
 
South Autralia's Premier announced in a press conference today that the attack is being dealt with by local and federal authorities. "We are very lucky that the owners of the facility, foreign investors and other intersted paties, have not delcared this as an Act of War under the extrateritoriality treaties that the facility was operating under. We are very unlucky that a small group of people in this country have chosen to deny all of us access to affordable, bleeding edge medical technology that has saved countless lives since it was introduced to South Australia in October 2015. We can only hope that these extremists are caught before they commit another atrocity against the people of Australia."<BR>
 
South Autralia's Premier announced in a press conference today that the attack is being dealt with by local and federal authorities. "We are very lucky that the owners of the facility, foreign investors and other intersted paties, have not delcared this as an Act of War under the extrateritoriality treaties that the facility was operating under. We are very unlucky that a small group of people in this country have chosen to deny all of us access to affordable, bleeding edge medical technology that has saved countless lives since it was introduced to South Australia in October 2015. We can only hope that these extremists are caught before they commit another atrocity against the people of Australia."<BR>
  
'''Bleeding Stone Still A Thing'''
+
'''Bleeding Stone Still A Thing'''<BR>
 
Adelaide's 'Bleeding Stone', colloquially referred to as 'Miracle Rock', continues to draw crowds. Visitors to the rock include:
 
Adelaide's 'Bleeding Stone', colloquially referred to as 'Miracle Rock', continues to draw crowds. Visitors to the rock include:
 
Barry Trotter: "Yup, it's a bleeding rock!"
 
Barry Trotter: "Yup, it's a bleeding rock!"
Line 18: Line 18:
 
Sebastian Vonegut: "It draws people. Fascinating."<BR>
 
Sebastian Vonegut: "It draws people. Fascinating."<BR>
  
'''Sarah Lake Scores 3 Out Of 4'''
+
'''Sarah Lake Scores 3 Out Of 4'''<BR>
 
Local artist Sarah Lake caused a stir over the weekend when she insisted that her Fringe performance be camera-free. The artist has yet to offer apology or explanation for failing to attend the third out of four performanced scheduled. The fourth and last performance, staged on Friday 4th, was also the launch of Sarah Lake's fourth Album. SoundBite Magazine editor Joyce Carlisle has this to say: "I'm not sure what Sarah Lake's game-plan is here. All publicity is good publicity, so banning photography? Actualyl requesting Fringe security staff to confiscate people's mobile phones? No artist can expect that to sit well with their fan-base. Skipping a performance? Maybe there's something in the water. Anyway, the last performance that launched the new album will be well-remembered - maybe the third was a deliberate silence to make the fourth seem louder? Only Sarah Lake could say, and she hasn't been giving interviews."<BR>
 
Local artist Sarah Lake caused a stir over the weekend when she insisted that her Fringe performance be camera-free. The artist has yet to offer apology or explanation for failing to attend the third out of four performanced scheduled. The fourth and last performance, staged on Friday 4th, was also the launch of Sarah Lake's fourth Album. SoundBite Magazine editor Joyce Carlisle has this to say: "I'm not sure what Sarah Lake's game-plan is here. All publicity is good publicity, so banning photography? Actualyl requesting Fringe security staff to confiscate people's mobile phones? No artist can expect that to sit well with their fan-base. Skipping a performance? Maybe there's something in the water. Anyway, the last performance that launched the new album will be well-remembered - maybe the third was a deliberate silence to make the fourth seem louder? Only Sarah Lake could say, and she hasn't been giving interviews."<BR>
  
'''Sleepwalking Woman Writes Political Treatise'''
+
'''Sleepwalking Woman Writes Political Treatise'''<BR>
 
An 82 year old woman walked into Bibliotheca earlier this week and wrote a variant of Spinoza's theologico-political treatise. The octogenarian's verison defended natural philosophy from both Christo-Judaic beliefs, Paganism and modern Wicca. What made this event noteworthy was that she wronte the treatise apparantely while asleep.<BR>
 
An 82 year old woman walked into Bibliotheca earlier this week and wrote a variant of Spinoza's theologico-political treatise. The octogenarian's verison defended natural philosophy from both Christo-Judaic beliefs, Paganism and modern Wicca. What made this event noteworthy was that she wronte the treatise apparantely while asleep.<BR>
 
   
 
   
Line 27: Line 27:
 
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'''Woman Crushed Queuing For Bleeding Stones'''
+
'''Woman Crushed Queuing For Bleeding Stones'''<BR>
 
The Adelaide City Council and State Government have issued a joint message asking for people to be considerate of each other and have posted a permanent medical presence at Adelaide's "Bleeding Stones" after a young woman was trampled by the crowd. Reports indicate the Beauford teen had been queueing up for several hours and collapsed and fell underfoot of the crowd. 'Helpful' members of the crowd dragged her forward as close to the Bleeding Stones as police officers would allow in the belief that the 'blood' from the stones - as yet unidentified - would heal her. When police refused to let the crowd to the stone, violence ensued. Police officers defended themselves with pepper spray and riot shields until paramedics could rush the lady to hospital. Despite the best efforts of emergency services, the lady died from internal bleeding.<br>
 
The Adelaide City Council and State Government have issued a joint message asking for people to be considerate of each other and have posted a permanent medical presence at Adelaide's "Bleeding Stones" after a young woman was trampled by the crowd. Reports indicate the Beauford teen had been queueing up for several hours and collapsed and fell underfoot of the crowd. 'Helpful' members of the crowd dragged her forward as close to the Bleeding Stones as police officers would allow in the belief that the 'blood' from the stones - as yet unidentified - would heal her. When police refused to let the crowd to the stone, violence ensued. Police officers defended themselves with pepper spray and riot shields until paramedics could rush the lady to hospital. Despite the best efforts of emergency services, the lady died from internal bleeding.<br>
  
'''Social Media Buzz Against Synthblood'''
+
'''Social Media Buzz Against Synthblood'''<BR>
 
Social media sites like MyFace and SpaceBook are buzzing with rumours that Synthblood causes disease. Fake motivational posters and other meme-based material is implying that not only is the product not good for users, but is actually causing harm.<br>
 
Social media sites like MyFace and SpaceBook are buzzing with rumours that Synthblood causes disease. Fake motivational posters and other meme-based material is implying that not only is the product not good for users, but is actually causing harm.<br>
  
'''Pool Win'''
+
'''Pool Win'''<BR>
 
A pool of six staff form the same company have all retired today after confirming substantial winnings in a lotto draw. The group is keeping details to themselves but if the prize money is split evenly, each one will giving their two weeks notice and pocketing a cool two million dollars.<br>
 
A pool of six staff form the same company have all retired today after confirming substantial winnings in a lotto draw. The group is keeping details to themselves but if the prize money is split evenly, each one will giving their two weeks notice and pocketing a cool two million dollars.<br>
  
'''Synthblood Support'''
+
'''Synthblood Support'''<BR>
 
In the middle of a backlash against Synthblood, the medical and financial heads of Adelaide's four largest hospitals have stood together to defend the continued use of the product. DR Pavani Danter gave a short presentation at a press conference highlighting that Synthblood had zero chance of cause an immune system reaction which was critical in the care of chemotherapy patients, transplant patients and those with compromised immune systems. Other points included being able to administer the product at the scene of an accident without having to wait for blood-typing tests - a factor that on it's own has already saved nine lives this year, and that the product's shelf life and robust nature meant that country locations with reduced financial support were able to have a blood replacement immediately available. Hospitals are working with the manufactures of Synthblood to make sure that batches of allegedly contaminated product are being replaced, and hospitals are conducting their own screening of the product to test for a number of blood-born diseases. Synthblood as a product has passed Federal and State testing and been cleared as safe for use. The hospital heads were also unanimous in declaring that anyone tampering with the product should be declared guilty of attempted murder and tried as a terrorist.<br>
 
In the middle of a backlash against Synthblood, the medical and financial heads of Adelaide's four largest hospitals have stood together to defend the continued use of the product. DR Pavani Danter gave a short presentation at a press conference highlighting that Synthblood had zero chance of cause an immune system reaction which was critical in the care of chemotherapy patients, transplant patients and those with compromised immune systems. Other points included being able to administer the product at the scene of an accident without having to wait for blood-typing tests - a factor that on it's own has already saved nine lives this year, and that the product's shelf life and robust nature meant that country locations with reduced financial support were able to have a blood replacement immediately available. Hospitals are working with the manufactures of Synthblood to make sure that batches of allegedly contaminated product are being replaced, and hospitals are conducting their own screening of the product to test for a number of blood-born diseases. Synthblood as a product has passed Federal and State testing and been cleared as safe for use. The hospital heads were also unanimous in declaring that anyone tampering with the product should be declared guilty of attempted murder and tried as a terrorist.<br>
  
'''Torrens Carp Infestation'''
+
'''Torrens Carp Infestation'''<BR>
 
The River Torrens is suffering a higher than usual number of carp. The introduced species competes with native fish for food but is far less palatable to river birds due to the high number of bones in their body. Removing carp is a very difficult task that has been successfully performed on sections of the Murray River in the past, but scientists are less condifent would work in the Torrens. "The process two-fold. There is a chemical agent that affects just the carp to intefere with their breeding cycle, and there are mechanical traps to physically remove them from the river. This worked in the Murray because the carp were competing againt cod, which have a very different pattern of behaviour. The Torrens contains several species of smaller fish that make trapping very difficult. The other problem we face is members of the public deliberately reintroducing the species from private stock."<br>
 
The River Torrens is suffering a higher than usual number of carp. The introduced species competes with native fish for food but is far less palatable to river birds due to the high number of bones in their body. Removing carp is a very difficult task that has been successfully performed on sections of the Murray River in the past, but scientists are less condifent would work in the Torrens. "The process two-fold. There is a chemical agent that affects just the carp to intefere with their breeding cycle, and there are mechanical traps to physically remove them from the river. This worked in the Murray because the carp were competing againt cod, which have a very different pattern of behaviour. The Torrens contains several species of smaller fish that make trapping very difficult. The other problem we face is members of the public deliberately reintroducing the species from private stock."<br>
  
'''Synth-Free Blood Drive'''
+
'''Synth-Free Blood Drive'''<BR>
 
Flinders Medical Centre is hosting a Synth-free blood drive over the following weeks to encourage those who have not had Synthblood infusions to donate. Synthblood is an excellent product for treating trauma and burns victums, but pure human blood is still needed for medical research. Since the introduction of Synthblood to Australia in October 2015, whole blood donations have dropped to a quarter of previous levels as the public perception is that 'science has cured the need to donate blood'.<br>
 
Flinders Medical Centre is hosting a Synth-free blood drive over the following weeks to encourage those who have not had Synthblood infusions to donate. Synthblood is an excellent product for treating trauma and burns victums, but pure human blood is still needed for medical research. Since the introduction of Synthblood to Australia in October 2015, whole blood donations have dropped to a quarter of previous levels as the public perception is that 'science has cured the need to donate blood'.<br>
  
'''Marion ATM Gives Out Free Money'''
+
'''Marion ATM Gives Out Free Money'''<BR>
 
Crowds scrambled to get their hands on free cash when a Marion Shopping Centre ATM malfunctioned and began randomly dispensing fifty dollar notes. Noone was hurt in the incident, though one child is suffering an upset stomach after collecting one of the notes and immediately going on a spending spree at Candy Mountain.<br>
 
Crowds scrambled to get their hands on free cash when a Marion Shopping Centre ATM malfunctioned and began randomly dispensing fifty dollar notes. Noone was hurt in the incident, though one child is suffering an upset stomach after collecting one of the notes and immediately going on a spending spree at Candy Mountain.<br>
  
'''Tonsley Set To Expand'''
+
'''Tonsley Set To Expand'''<BR>
 
The suburb of Tonsley will having it's local borders altered to claim parts of a neighbouring suburb. The move is designed to 'help the public forget' about the negative stigma the neighbouring suburb had due to soil toxicity from being so close to the site of the Mitsubishi car plant.<br>
 
The suburb of Tonsley will having it's local borders altered to claim parts of a neighbouring suburb. The move is designed to 'help the public forget' about the negative stigma the neighbouring suburb had due to soil toxicity from being so close to the site of the Mitsubishi car plant.<br>
  
  
'''Job Opportunities'''
+
'''Job Opportunities'''<BR>
 
Local media corporation is seeking editors, journalists and reporters for immediate start. Contact details provided.
 
Local media corporation is seeking editors, journalists and reporters for immediate start. Contact details provided.
  
Line 58: Line 58:
  
  
'''Hikers Still Missing'''
+
'''Hikers Still Missing'''<BR>
 
The search for two hikers in the Adelaide Hills is being stepped up with the CFS getting involved as there has been no sign of the missing couple for over a week. Authorities are concerned that even if the couple were well-stocked and rationed their supply, they would have run out of water three days ago. "The cool nights help, but in this heat.... people need water".
 
The search for two hikers in the Adelaide Hills is being stepped up with the CFS getting involved as there has been no sign of the missing couple for over a week. Authorities are concerned that even if the couple were well-stocked and rationed their supply, they would have run out of water three days ago. "The cool nights help, but in this heat.... people need water".
  
  
'''Bleeding Stones Bring Crowds'''
+
'''Bleeding Stones Bring Crowds'''<BR>
 
The Adelaide City Council and Metropolitan Police are working together to ensure public safety as large numbers of people flock to the Linear Park Bike Track to catch a glimpse of Adelaide's 'Bleeding Stones'. While a number of religious observers are claiming Stigmatica, Miracle or Sign of the Apocalypse, the State Government and CSIRO have not released any official statements. A leaked memo alleges that if the CSIRO cannot find the answers, the mystery will be handed to the DSTO to investigate - a comment that sparked outrage amongst adherants to the Bleeding Stone's holy nature. The site has been fenced off and crowd control fencing put in place to ensure the public forms an orderly queue to see the phenomena. As of the time of printing, none of the major denominations represented in Adelaide have made an official statement.
 
The Adelaide City Council and Metropolitan Police are working together to ensure public safety as large numbers of people flock to the Linear Park Bike Track to catch a glimpse of Adelaide's 'Bleeding Stones'. While a number of religious observers are claiming Stigmatica, Miracle or Sign of the Apocalypse, the State Government and CSIRO have not released any official statements. A leaked memo alleges that if the CSIRO cannot find the answers, the mystery will be handed to the DSTO to investigate - a comment that sparked outrage amongst adherants to the Bleeding Stone's holy nature. The site has been fenced off and crowd control fencing put in place to ensure the public forms an orderly queue to see the phenomena. As of the time of printing, none of the major denominations represented in Adelaide have made an official statement.
  
  
'''Strength Of Five Pillar Economy Confirmed'''
+
'''Strength Of Five Pillar Economy Confirmed'''<BR>
 
State officials are pleased to announce that despite concerns over the slow-down in the Chinese economy, the market is showing confidence in the Australian mining industry. Due to local politics the Queensland market experienced the lowest growth as doubts loom over the future of Queensland Nickel. Western Australia's economy continues to grow steadily as a new source of bauxite was discovered and South Australia has seen a sharp upturn in market activity with share trading and share values both increasing.
 
State officials are pleased to announce that despite concerns over the slow-down in the Chinese economy, the market is showing confidence in the Australian mining industry. Due to local politics the Queensland market experienced the lowest growth as doubts loom over the future of Queensland Nickel. Western Australia's economy continues to grow steadily as a new source of bauxite was discovered and South Australia has seen a sharp upturn in market activity with share trading and share values both increasing.
  
  
'''Sound-Like-Cat Safety Warning'''
+
'''Sound-Like-Cat Safety Warning'''<BR>
 
Novelty product "Sound-Like-Cat", manufactured by VWD, is under investigation after a Para Hills teenager passed out while using the product. "Sound-Like-Cat", marketed for the 'temporary relief of witchdoctors', is a soft-shelled gell-cap that quickly dissolves in water, releasing a small amount of helium. The product's warning label contains statutory warnings including "keep out of reach of children", "choking hazard" and "excessive use may cause asphyxiation". The incident has sparked similar concerns over VDW's other novelty product, a high-strength and fast-acting diuretic. As the product is based on an analogue for Methazolamide, currently unregulated in Australia, and sold under the product name "Pee-Like-Horse".
 
Novelty product "Sound-Like-Cat", manufactured by VWD, is under investigation after a Para Hills teenager passed out while using the product. "Sound-Like-Cat", marketed for the 'temporary relief of witchdoctors', is a soft-shelled gell-cap that quickly dissolves in water, releasing a small amount of helium. The product's warning label contains statutory warnings including "keep out of reach of children", "choking hazard" and "excessive use may cause asphyxiation". The incident has sparked similar concerns over VDW's other novelty product, a high-strength and fast-acting diuretic. As the product is based on an analogue for Methazolamide, currently unregulated in Australia, and sold under the product name "Pee-Like-Horse".
  
  
'''Search For Missing Person'''
+
'''Search For Missing Person'''<BR>
 
Police are searching Lindon Park and the surrounding suburbs for Angelique Johnstone, who's hired car was found damaged and abandoned in a corner store carpark. Mrs Johnstone, aged 57, had been in South Australia visiting her neice. Concerns were raised when Mrs Jognstone missed her return flight to Sydney on the 3rd of February and failed to answer her mobile phone. "Gran's pretty good with tech, so we got worried when she didn't call to let us know she was home", says distraught neice Bronwyn. Mrs Johnstone was last seen when she spoke briefly with police at the sight of last week's taxi-petrol-tanker collision on the corner of Tapleys Hill and West Beach Roads.
 
Police are searching Lindon Park and the surrounding suburbs for Angelique Johnstone, who's hired car was found damaged and abandoned in a corner store carpark. Mrs Johnstone, aged 57, had been in South Australia visiting her neice. Concerns were raised when Mrs Jognstone missed her return flight to Sydney on the 3rd of February and failed to answer her mobile phone. "Gran's pretty good with tech, so we got worried when she didn't call to let us know she was home", says distraught neice Bronwyn. Mrs Johnstone was last seen when she spoke briefly with police at the sight of last week's taxi-petrol-tanker collision on the corner of Tapleys Hill and West Beach Roads.
  
  
'''LGBT Support Group Assault'''
+
'''LGBT Support Group Assault'''<BR>
 
A community centre in the western suburbs was set alight last night by way of a "molotov cocktail". Police reported that the centre had previously reported groups of people hurling abuse at citizens entering the building to attend a support group for the LGBT community. Last night the attacks hit a high point when bricks were hurled through windows, followed by a glass bottle full of flammable liquid. Several people inside the building were admitted to hospital due to burns and smoke inhalation. "We take this very seriously and will be sending a very strong message to those who would seek to harm anyone in the community," said a police spokesperson earlier today.
 
A community centre in the western suburbs was set alight last night by way of a "molotov cocktail". Police reported that the centre had previously reported groups of people hurling abuse at citizens entering the building to attend a support group for the LGBT community. Last night the attacks hit a high point when bricks were hurled through windows, followed by a glass bottle full of flammable liquid. Several people inside the building were admitted to hospital due to burns and smoke inhalation. "We take this very seriously and will be sending a very strong message to those who would seek to harm anyone in the community," said a police spokesperson earlier today.
  
  
'''The Death of Robert Case'''
+
'''The Death of Robert Case'''<BR>
 
Police are looking into the death of prominent Adelaide lawyer Robert Doyle who was found shot in his office within the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions. Mr Doyle was the lead prosecutor on several high profile cases including the recently finalised Mandy Boorman case where it was found that Norman Green had kidnapped the young Miss Boorman from North Adelaide and had sexually assaulted and murdered the young woman. Norman Green was sentenced to life imprisonment at Yatala Labour Prison. Police are looking into various suspects, as well as aiding in a review of the office security procedures.
 
Police are looking into the death of prominent Adelaide lawyer Robert Doyle who was found shot in his office within the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions. Mr Doyle was the lead prosecutor on several high profile cases including the recently finalised Mandy Boorman case where it was found that Norman Green had kidnapped the young Miss Boorman from North Adelaide and had sexually assaulted and murdered the young woman. Norman Green was sentenced to life imprisonment at Yatala Labour Prison. Police are looking into various suspects, as well as aiding in a review of the office security procedures.

Revision as of 00:56, 11 March 2016

OOC: These news stories are published in various news outlets - TV, Radio, Newspaper etc. If your character does not subscribe to any of these things because they're a hermit or so ancient that these things are still very new to them, then disregard these news stories.

These news stories are entirely fictional and are written for entertainment purposes.

Last updated: 11/03/16


Terrorist Attack On Synthblood Warehouse
A Synthblood storage and distribution facility in Wingfield was attacked by terrorists late last night. The attack left a number of security personel dead and destroyed millions of dollars worth of medical eqipment and supplies. Surviving security staff are working with police to identify the terrorists, of which there were at least six. The terrorists concealed their identities with balaklavas and began the attack by ramming the facility with a truck stolen from a local truck stop. The truck's owner, Raymond 'Pinky' Batts, was assualted during the theft of his truck and was rushed to hospital. He is in a stable condition. Once the terrorists entered the facility, incendiary devices were used to create an explosion. South Autralia's Premier announced in a press conference today that the attack is being dealt with by local and federal authorities. "We are very lucky that the owners of the facility, foreign investors and other intersted paties, have not delcared this as an Act of War under the extrateritoriality treaties that the facility was operating under. We are very unlucky that a small group of people in this country have chosen to deny all of us access to affordable, bleeding edge medical technology that has saved countless lives since it was introduced to South Australia in October 2015. We can only hope that these extremists are caught before they commit another atrocity against the people of Australia."

Bleeding Stone Still A Thing
Adelaide's 'Bleeding Stone', colloquially referred to as 'Miracle Rock', continues to draw crowds. Visitors to the rock include: Barry Trotter: "Yup, it's a bleeding rock!" Helen Tramountanas: "Not even this Miracle will return dear Petrina to us." Luka Karava: "It made my headaches go away." Jack Tomnan: "You'd think this kind of thing would attract a certain crowd..." Sofia Mills: "It inspires faith. Faith in what depends on the person, but it is inspiring." Sebastian Vonegut: "It draws people. Fascinating."

Sarah Lake Scores 3 Out Of 4
Local artist Sarah Lake caused a stir over the weekend when she insisted that her Fringe performance be camera-free. The artist has yet to offer apology or explanation for failing to attend the third out of four performanced scheduled. The fourth and last performance, staged on Friday 4th, was also the launch of Sarah Lake's fourth Album. SoundBite Magazine editor Joyce Carlisle has this to say: "I'm not sure what Sarah Lake's game-plan is here. All publicity is good publicity, so banning photography? Actualyl requesting Fringe security staff to confiscate people's mobile phones? No artist can expect that to sit well with their fan-base. Skipping a performance? Maybe there's something in the water. Anyway, the last performance that launched the new album will be well-remembered - maybe the third was a deliberate silence to make the fourth seem louder? Only Sarah Lake could say, and she hasn't been giving interviews."

Sleepwalking Woman Writes Political Treatise
An 82 year old woman walked into Bibliotheca earlier this week and wrote a variant of Spinoza's theologico-political treatise. The octogenarian's verison defended natural philosophy from both Christo-Judaic beliefs, Paganism and modern Wicca. What made this event noteworthy was that she wronte the treatise apparantely while asleep.



Woman Crushed Queuing For Bleeding Stones
The Adelaide City Council and State Government have issued a joint message asking for people to be considerate of each other and have posted a permanent medical presence at Adelaide's "Bleeding Stones" after a young woman was trampled by the crowd. Reports indicate the Beauford teen had been queueing up for several hours and collapsed and fell underfoot of the crowd. 'Helpful' members of the crowd dragged her forward as close to the Bleeding Stones as police officers would allow in the belief that the 'blood' from the stones - as yet unidentified - would heal her. When police refused to let the crowd to the stone, violence ensued. Police officers defended themselves with pepper spray and riot shields until paramedics could rush the lady to hospital. Despite the best efforts of emergency services, the lady died from internal bleeding.

Social Media Buzz Against Synthblood
Social media sites like MyFace and SpaceBook are buzzing with rumours that Synthblood causes disease. Fake motivational posters and other meme-based material is implying that not only is the product not good for users, but is actually causing harm.

Pool Win
A pool of six staff form the same company have all retired today after confirming substantial winnings in a lotto draw. The group is keeping details to themselves but if the prize money is split evenly, each one will giving their two weeks notice and pocketing a cool two million dollars.

Synthblood Support
In the middle of a backlash against Synthblood, the medical and financial heads of Adelaide's four largest hospitals have stood together to defend the continued use of the product. DR Pavani Danter gave a short presentation at a press conference highlighting that Synthblood had zero chance of cause an immune system reaction which was critical in the care of chemotherapy patients, transplant patients and those with compromised immune systems. Other points included being able to administer the product at the scene of an accident without having to wait for blood-typing tests - a factor that on it's own has already saved nine lives this year, and that the product's shelf life and robust nature meant that country locations with reduced financial support were able to have a blood replacement immediately available. Hospitals are working with the manufactures of Synthblood to make sure that batches of allegedly contaminated product are being replaced, and hospitals are conducting their own screening of the product to test for a number of blood-born diseases. Synthblood as a product has passed Federal and State testing and been cleared as safe for use. The hospital heads were also unanimous in declaring that anyone tampering with the product should be declared guilty of attempted murder and tried as a terrorist.

Torrens Carp Infestation
The River Torrens is suffering a higher than usual number of carp. The introduced species competes with native fish for food but is far less palatable to river birds due to the high number of bones in their body. Removing carp is a very difficult task that has been successfully performed on sections of the Murray River in the past, but scientists are less condifent would work in the Torrens. "The process two-fold. There is a chemical agent that affects just the carp to intefere with their breeding cycle, and there are mechanical traps to physically remove them from the river. This worked in the Murray because the carp were competing againt cod, which have a very different pattern of behaviour. The Torrens contains several species of smaller fish that make trapping very difficult. The other problem we face is members of the public deliberately reintroducing the species from private stock."

Synth-Free Blood Drive
Flinders Medical Centre is hosting a Synth-free blood drive over the following weeks to encourage those who have not had Synthblood infusions to donate. Synthblood is an excellent product for treating trauma and burns victums, but pure human blood is still needed for medical research. Since the introduction of Synthblood to Australia in October 2015, whole blood donations have dropped to a quarter of previous levels as the public perception is that 'science has cured the need to donate blood'.

Marion ATM Gives Out Free Money
Crowds scrambled to get their hands on free cash when a Marion Shopping Centre ATM malfunctioned and began randomly dispensing fifty dollar notes. Noone was hurt in the incident, though one child is suffering an upset stomach after collecting one of the notes and immediately going on a spending spree at Candy Mountain.

Tonsley Set To Expand
The suburb of Tonsley will having it's local borders altered to claim parts of a neighbouring suburb. The move is designed to 'help the public forget' about the negative stigma the neighbouring suburb had due to soil toxicity from being so close to the site of the Mitsubishi car plant.


Job Opportunities
Local media corporation is seeking editors, journalists and reporters for immediate start. Contact details provided.



Hikers Still Missing
The search for two hikers in the Adelaide Hills is being stepped up with the CFS getting involved as there has been no sign of the missing couple for over a week. Authorities are concerned that even if the couple were well-stocked and rationed their supply, they would have run out of water three days ago. "The cool nights help, but in this heat.... people need water".


Bleeding Stones Bring Crowds
The Adelaide City Council and Metropolitan Police are working together to ensure public safety as large numbers of people flock to the Linear Park Bike Track to catch a glimpse of Adelaide's 'Bleeding Stones'. While a number of religious observers are claiming Stigmatica, Miracle or Sign of the Apocalypse, the State Government and CSIRO have not released any official statements. A leaked memo alleges that if the CSIRO cannot find the answers, the mystery will be handed to the DSTO to investigate - a comment that sparked outrage amongst adherants to the Bleeding Stone's holy nature. The site has been fenced off and crowd control fencing put in place to ensure the public forms an orderly queue to see the phenomena. As of the time of printing, none of the major denominations represented in Adelaide have made an official statement.


Strength Of Five Pillar Economy Confirmed
State officials are pleased to announce that despite concerns over the slow-down in the Chinese economy, the market is showing confidence in the Australian mining industry. Due to local politics the Queensland market experienced the lowest growth as doubts loom over the future of Queensland Nickel. Western Australia's economy continues to grow steadily as a new source of bauxite was discovered and South Australia has seen a sharp upturn in market activity with share trading and share values both increasing.


Sound-Like-Cat Safety Warning
Novelty product "Sound-Like-Cat", manufactured by VWD, is under investigation after a Para Hills teenager passed out while using the product. "Sound-Like-Cat", marketed for the 'temporary relief of witchdoctors', is a soft-shelled gell-cap that quickly dissolves in water, releasing a small amount of helium. The product's warning label contains statutory warnings including "keep out of reach of children", "choking hazard" and "excessive use may cause asphyxiation". The incident has sparked similar concerns over VDW's other novelty product, a high-strength and fast-acting diuretic. As the product is based on an analogue for Methazolamide, currently unregulated in Australia, and sold under the product name "Pee-Like-Horse".


Search For Missing Person
Police are searching Lindon Park and the surrounding suburbs for Angelique Johnstone, who's hired car was found damaged and abandoned in a corner store carpark. Mrs Johnstone, aged 57, had been in South Australia visiting her neice. Concerns were raised when Mrs Jognstone missed her return flight to Sydney on the 3rd of February and failed to answer her mobile phone. "Gran's pretty good with tech, so we got worried when she didn't call to let us know she was home", says distraught neice Bronwyn. Mrs Johnstone was last seen when she spoke briefly with police at the sight of last week's taxi-petrol-tanker collision on the corner of Tapleys Hill and West Beach Roads.


LGBT Support Group Assault
A community centre in the western suburbs was set alight last night by way of a "molotov cocktail". Police reported that the centre had previously reported groups of people hurling abuse at citizens entering the building to attend a support group for the LGBT community. Last night the attacks hit a high point when bricks were hurled through windows, followed by a glass bottle full of flammable liquid. Several people inside the building were admitted to hospital due to burns and smoke inhalation. "We take this very seriously and will be sending a very strong message to those who would seek to harm anyone in the community," said a police spokesperson earlier today.


The Death of Robert Case
Police are looking into the death of prominent Adelaide lawyer Robert Doyle who was found shot in his office within the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions. Mr Doyle was the lead prosecutor on several high profile cases including the recently finalised Mandy Boorman case where it was found that Norman Green had kidnapped the young Miss Boorman from North Adelaide and had sexually assaulted and murdered the young woman. Norman Green was sentenced to life imprisonment at Yatala Labour Prison. Police are looking into various suspects, as well as aiding in a review of the office security procedures.