Rodney Teaspoon
Personal Information
Perfectly Sane Rodney Teaspoon, Aka Perfectly Awesome Rodney Awesomespoon, Aka The Spoon, Aka Treetop Lover, is a fabulously flamboyant ventrue from Australia (although his mish-mash accent suggests otherwise).
This maniacal manipulator has about as much sanity as a bag-full of hedgehogs on lsd, and has the super-human ability to make people slap their own foreheads in rage through the power of shear non-nonsensical audacity. Some of the loonier kindred are considered walking masquerade breaches. Rodney Teaspoon is a masquerade broad-way musical with sellout seats. To say that being in any way related or connected to Rodney is a 'bad idea' is, in a way, like saying it is a bad idea to drive a mack truck full of tnt into an erupting volcano full of lava-sharks.
Appearance
Rodney has no problems standing out in a crowd. His tall, solid build is accented by his outrageous top-hat and flamboyant outfits, suited to every occasion. He is often seen squeezing a small yellow stress-ball.
Personality
Describing Rodney's personality is like a mental patient on acid describing nuclear physics to a kindergarten classroom. Words are coming out but they are in no way coherent or related in any way to a subject that isn't a mangled wreck of 3 different occasions he has eaten burritos whilst naked.
Mortal World
Information Known by Kindred Society
Timeline
- 1950-1700 - probably embraced around this time.
- 1970-1980 - Spent a lot of time overseas, particularly in the USSR. Met Nikolai and Yuri and spent the majority of his time drinking and fooling around with the KGB. He was eventually made the head of a branch of the mercenary group run by Yuri. In Yuri's words, it was "the worst mistake I have ever made in my life".
- 1980-2000 - A blur, mostly. Something happened involving camels and the CIA.
- 2000 onwards - Spent most of his time back in Australia, devoting his time to any number of zany schemes for whatever unfathomable reason.
Recent History
- in 2008 he 'infiltrated' the Embroideres Guild of Brisbane and attempted to use them as soldiers for an unsuccessful coup on the federal government. Supposedly, they were horrid soldiers, but had amazing uniforms.
- in 2011 he declared himself Prince of an indipendant court in Sydney, located entirely in the south-western corner of Hyde Park. He was the only member until it's dissolution 4 months later.
2014
- JUN - Welcomed warmly by Prince Cortes into Armidale. Hoooo boy what a mistake that was. Hit a pedestrian in his car whilst going to Hungry Jacks for a burger. The bishop was present in the back seat and promptly ran away.
- JUL - Met some Brisbaners and made some friends. Hit a pedestrian on his way to the fight at Hungry Jacks. Killed a cop, took his uniform, and killed a few more cops with a screwdriver. Removed from the court after hitting more pedestrians with the head of the Invictus present in the car. Placed in a mental hospital, but let out shortly after. Taken into a back alley and beaten unconscious. Smashed some cars as vengeance, turns out they belonged to neither Father Constantin or Bertrand. Now wanted by Gregory Homes for smashing his car.
- JUL Pt. 2 - Went to Brisbane. Took a car ride with Marsha. Got an expensive gift for Prince Tybalt. Got banished from Brisbane (not that it'll stop him from coming back).
- AUG - Crashed a tractor through the doors of the court. Did something with pumpkins. Got executed. Welp, it was fun while it lasted.
Lineage
Is a proud member (currently the ONLY member) of House Arsepigeon. A ventrue house dating back hundreds and hundreds of weekends. Rodney claims to be able to trace his heritage all the way back to Edmund Waters, the founder of the house. Waters was a town drunkard from the 1800s who was apparently infamous for 3 weeks after mooning Queen Victoria on her Jubilee. Its coat of arms is a sword sticking out of the ground, poking up a pigeon's arse. on the right is the infamous behind of Edmund Waters.
An older account of the house from Teaspoon suggests it was founded by the Fraggles of Fraggerly Rock.
It is also believed (by Rodney himself, anyway) that he is a member of the Native American tribe known as the Slapaho nation, that lived on the western side of the US. He is probably the only member.
Known Sire
- uh...
Possible Sires
- That prostitute in Melbourne that couldn't pronounce chimney
- Alim Al Rashid. We share the same love of pointy shoes
- Obama's brother's wife's friend Miriam
- Father MacKauley from the boy's school in Glasgow
- That brood girl from Sydney. Can't remember her name
- One of the other brood girls from Sydney, you never know
- Longinus. Got a good case for this one
- Margaret Thatcher
- Edmund waters, or one of his childe
- David Bowie. Please let it be David Bowie
- Myself, in which this is all just some fucked-up timeloop
Known and Possible Siblings
- Probably this guy named Alex in Dubbo. I might have eaten him, I'm not sure. It was a long christmas.
- Some guys in the states, pretty sure we might have the same sire.
Known and Possible Childer
- Some bratty little bitch in Adelaide. I think her name might be Sarah or Sally or something. Probably brood by now.
- This guy named Johnno from Darwin. Probably also brood.
- Chelsea and Alice Mckay from this little town near perth. Might be livians. Shouldn't have told them about blood magic.
- Some Ugandan warlord by the name of Mbutu. Might have died on the first day after walking out into sunlight. I don't think Uganda has much of a folklore about Vampires.
- Some of Mbutu's child soldiers. Less than 20, I'm sure.
- These 5 Japanese schoolgirls in Osaka. God what a weekend.
- The entirety of St. Albert's Orphanage in Scotland, including the nuns, and one very confused mailman.
- One of Yuri Patrenkov's nieces. He must never know.
- Roxanne something something french chick.
- A looooooot of russian mercenaries.
Known and Possible Grand-childer
- I think Sarah or Sally might have sired some of her bitch friends. Oh well, not my problem.
- A lot of people in Scotland. That orphanage thing kinda spiraled out of control. Not my fault, I was already in Ireland by that point.
- A lot of people in Osaka. I mean a LOT. Those schoolgirls went nuts. Oh well, not my fault they couldn't handle the Spoon.
People-to-Embrace List
- David Bowie
- The Queen of Holland
- The Queen of Holland's really hot daughter
- Obama
- That girl that works in the corner store near Hyde Park in Sydney
- If that girl really does have a twin like she said, then that girl's twin as well
- Ilsa Glen from Parkes when she turns 16
- Kevin Rudd
- Kevin Rudd's cousin Damo
- Mr T
- Shinzo Abe, Prime minister of Japan
- The girl who voiced Haruhi Suzumiya
Quotes
Quotes By
"Jesus, what a shit-dump" - On arrival in Armidale. "Jesus, what a shit-dump" - On arrival in Brisbane. "Jesus, what a shit-dump" - On arrival in the USSR.
"Nobody calls Perfectly Sane Rodney Rodnington Wilberforce Hitler Teaspoon a nazi!"
Quotes About
"Mr Teaspoon came to me after a skeptically long Requiem, given his condition and reliability in his mental faculties. In moments of lucidity he has communicated a desire to reconcile an all but shattered psyche and I believe I may help him. There is evidence that he is capable of maintaining the Traditions and honing the powers of his blood with substantial expertise yet he continues to insist on wearing the skins of mortals to my court. I feel he will continue to do so until I flay the skin from him completely. This may hinder our progress..." - Esteban Cortes
"What were you thinking?! You don't ever get in a car with Rodney Teaspoon!" - Overheard in the Elysium in Armidale.
"Ever been out partying with this prick? He's awesome to go get burgers with. He can drive. He laughs easily and deeply. He takes more drugs than I do. He can fight and he's got this great magic trick with a pencil.", Lou
"The worst mistake I have ever made was putting Rodney in charge of my mercenary company" - Yuri Patrenkov.
Conversations
Bsp. Wolfric Abendroth - "We are going to have mass if you would like to join us"
PS Rodney Teaspoon - "Mass huh? Mass what exactly?"
Bsp. Wolfric Abendroth - "I don't know what you mean. We are having Black Mass"
PS Rodney Teaspoon - "Yes... Black Mass WHAT? Mass is an adjective, you are giving me an incomplete sentence."
Bsp. Wolfric Abendroth - "We are having Black Mass!"
PS Rodney Teaspoon - "...turbation? Black Mass-turbation?"
This conversation led the term 'Black Mass-turbation" being coined.
PS Rodney Teaspoon - "Jesus you're tall. What's your name?"
Alim Al-Rashid - " I am Alim Al Rashid walad ghair Ma'loum, banu Shaitan"
PS Rodney Teaspoon - "... I'm just gonna call you Al, okay?"
Rumours
- Has diablerized a large number of kindred in his many years.
- No-one has seen his actual body.
- Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol. Cocaine!
- Teaspoon is [Eddie Izzard], yes really.
- He will Channing all over your Tatum.
Inspirations and Soundtrack
Heath Ledger as The Joker
Nappa from DBZ Abriged
Every portrayal of The Mad Hatter, ever
These should be part of the soundtrack.... **grin**
Boons
- Trivial boon owed by Character to Character for details (date).
- Major boon paid by Character to Character for details (date).
OOC Information
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| Player: | Name |
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| Number: | 00000000 |
| Domain: | Domain |