Etiquette at Court

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Etiquette – Almanac

Written by Lidia Buonfino, translated by Miguel Gonzalez Walter

Thanks for the contribution: Carola, Elke, Yane, Carl and many others

The actual purpose of etiquette is to avoid misunderstandings and make communication easier. Ritualising some gestures in a fixed protocol gave people from different cultures and classes the means to protect themselves from the whims of the mighty. It seems more than obvious that some of the basic rules of etiquette have established themselves in the strict hierarchical and stiff Kindred-society. This makes even more sense considering that it is dangerous killers who meet on hostile turf and try to get along with each other without ripping their heads off.

We assume that what is stated in the following paragraphs is common education and knowledge which has been passed on from Sire to Childe in order to prepare said Childe to Cainite society. As long as you mind these rules you can avoid conflicts with Elders and move with relative ease in Cainite society. It gave those who could not afford proper education the means to protect themselves against the whims of the mighty.

Although the intention of this Almanac is to answer as many as possible questions for players the Author wants to warn that applying these rules to the word will not guarantee correct behaviour. In the end only the thorough evaluation of possible situations from case to case can prevent one from making mistakes. The ability to discern these situations properly can only be learned through constant and conscious observation. Given these circumstances an unskilled or uneducated Neonate is allowed EXPRESSIVLY and should not shy from ASKING his Sire, Mentor or the local Harpy how to behave when he feels unsure. Even a skilled Ancilla, who holds dearly on to the rules of etiquette should not demand a boon when asked how to behave. If you doubt the given advice you should ask the present/local Harpy, her words are to be heeded.

Concluding the introduction the Author claims not that this Almanac is complete.

Social Status

The social status is dependent on three ranks: Age, political Camarilla position and prestige. The order is as following: Age supersedes political position which supersedes prestige although a very high or low prestige can influence that order in both directions. If you don’t know about the Character’s prestige you confront, it is recommended to ignore it or to ask your Elders and Harpies.

Only exception to this rule is the Prince who always has the highest social status in his own domain. Order of status among Cainites

The common hierarchy of age-given status is as follows:

Elder
Ancilla
Neonate

Political position:

Prince
Prince-regent
Primogen or other positions*
Other(s)

if there is a Sheriff, Keeper of Elysium, Seneschal or Harpy, you have to consider if these political status’ are equivalent, higher or lower to the Primogen. This depends on prestige of said character and how the status is handled in the asked domain (which may differ from others).

The political position (with exception of the Prince) cannot supersede the age-given status, which leads to following ranking:

Prince of hosting domain
Other Princes
Elder with political position
Elder
Ancilla with political position
Ancilla
Neonate with political position
Neonate
Childe

Male Cainites of same ranking with female Cainites should follow the rule of Ladies first. It depends on the personality and prestige of single Cainites whether any courtesy beyond rank is appropriate. Kindred of the hosting Domain who have the same ranking as guests have a higher ranking during that evening. Ghouls, Anarchs, Caitiff and non-Camarilla-Clans do not have any Status and therefore no right to claim social respect although some of them can gain enough prestige be an exception to this rule.

Formal presentation/greeting

A Childe:

bows his head to a Neonate
bows down deeply to an Ancilla
kneels down to an Elder

A Neonate:

bows his head to an Ancilla
bows down deeply to an Elder
kneels down to a Prince

An Ancilla:

bows his head to an Elder
bows down deeply to a Prince
kneels down to a Justicar

An Elder:

bows his head to a Prince
bows down deeply to a Justicar

Always let the higher ranking Kindred decide on the form of the greeting. i.e. bow down as suited, if the higher ranking Kindred reaches out for a handshake or a hand kiss follow his/her wish. Keeping this in mind you can avoid embarrassing situations should the higher ranking Kindred not want to have ‘body contact’.

Introductions

When Introducing yourself you should name the following: Name, Status, Clan, political position and Domain (this order of presentation is not mandatory but it is recommended due to flow of speech). E.g.: "My name is X, Ancilla of Clan Y, Primogen of Domain Z." These are the basic information available to all Cainites and therefore can be given freely. It is not suitable to mention more information outside the Clan.

You should speak out loud and slowly in order to make sure that no one has to ask again for your introduction and to avoid any uncomfortable misunderstandings.

Let someone else do the introduction for you. A Neonate should not introduce himself to an Elder, it would be more suitable to ask an Ancilla who is willing to introduce her. This should be worth a minor boon. Even for Ancillae and Elders it is recommended to find someone for an introduction.

Never interrupt a conversation among superiors, even if you want to introduce yourself. If you wish to talk to, or introduce yourself to a higher ranking Kindred, move into the vicinity of the talking group but stay without earshot, then try to make eye-contact with the Kindred you want to talk to and bow down slightly. If the Kindred ignores you, choose to introduce yourself later or let it be. Maybe the said Kindred does not want to be introduced to you, in this case you can avoid an embarrassing situation. Should you want to participate in a conversation among superiors after your introduction, then ask politely the highest ranking Kindred of the conversation if you are welcomed.

A Lady expecting a hand-kiss does that by raising and presenting the back of her hand. Her hand should be held roughly at chest-level, should she sit (if she is allowed to remain seated!), her hand hand should be held a bit higher than that. If the Lady offers her hand to shake hands, she may not expect/want a hand-kiss. In this case the Gentleman should carefully discern whether the Lady does not want to be kissed or is simply too shy. In order to find out what the Lady wants the Gentleman should try to gently turn her hand to a hand-kiss position. Never do this with force, neither grab the hand or pull the Lady towards yourself. The Gentleman should support the Lady’s hand and lift it slowly while bowing down at the same time. Your lips mustn’t touch the hand, neither make a kiss. Do not look into the Lady’s eyes and especially not into her décolleté! The best thing to do is simply lowering your sight or closing your eyes. Keeping eye-contact is considered a challenge.

Introducing yourself to the Prince

Bow down in front of the Prince keeping your distance. The form of the bow may differ depending on your cultural background and from which epoch you’re from. Then you may proceed with the introduction (see above). To round everything up be grateful for the invitation and hospitality, then bow down again, wait till the Prince answers. The Prince may then welcome his guest in his Domain and dismisses him/her to enjoy the evening. Only then you may leave the Prince’s presence. It is recommended to take a few steps (i.e., three) backwards, bow down again before you turn away and leave.

If you are part of a delegation or you travel with your Prince, then bow down when the speaker/the Prince makes his introduction. In the case the speaker or your Prince names each member of the delegation, step forward when you hear your name, bow down and step back into line again.

Order of presentation

The order of the formal presentation or greeting (and when you say your good-byes, of course) should always be followed to the word. In most cases it is sufficient to present yourself to the Prince and the host, though. If Elders are present it is considered polite to greet them as well. If you don’t know the Elders or you’re not sure in which order to introduce yourself, look out for a Harpy. It is safer to not greet any Elder explicitly than to summon the scorn of the others by forgetting them or making a mistake not keeping the order of status and prestige. Should you meet a higher ranking Kindred you know before you made your introduction to the Prince and the host make a slight bow. In the case said Kindred expects a complete and formal presentation (i. e. he/she speaks to you or reaches out his/her hand), do not ignore it. It is not considered an offence to tell him/her that you are on your way to present yourself to the Prince and/or the host. The educated Kindred understands this protocol and dismisses the guest to make his/her introduction. He may offer to continue the started conversation at a later point. Should you meet a group of known Kindred before you made your introduction you are not obliged to greet everyone in person, a simple bow with your head to the group is considered sufficient. If you want to introduce yourself properly then don’t make the mistake of leaving someone out (keeping the order in mind). In some cases the local Harpy is responsible for the formal introduction. In this case you may introduce yourself to her before you made your presentation to the Prince or the host. The Harpy then leads the new guest to the Prince, to the host and if present to any Elder of the guests Clan. The Harpy is responsible for informing the guest of any peculiarities the Prince or host practices in order to avoid any mistakes.

On treating Elders

• Each time an Elder enters the room all lower ranking Kindred should stand up. Should he/she leave and come back again in the course of the evening it is not necessary to stand up again and again each time he/she enters. If someone unknown enters the room keep your eye on the Harpies or the reaction of the other Kindred. Should they stand up then you may consider the newcomer an Elder and stand up, too. At meetings with human guests (official parties, clubs, etc., or humans not involved in Kindred society) it is not necessary to stand up (Masquerade!), feigning to stand up is considered enough. • The Elder should be so kind to acknowledge this display of respect and allow the guests to take their seats again by making a sign. If he does not make a sign, wait till the Elder has seated him/herself. Should the Elder make the impression that he does not notice the guests (still standing) you may sit down after an appropriate time of waiting and be peeved. • It is not necessary to stand up every time an Elder only comes close. This is only expected if a sitting Elder stands up or an Elder addresses a guest or the group you are sitting with/talking to (even among humans it is not wrong to feign this). The highest ranking Kindred should then ask the Elder to participate in the conversation or have a very good (damn good!) excuse why it is not possible. If there are no seats left, the lowest ranking Kindred is obliged to offer his/her seat. Should someone else present offer his/her seat, the lowest ranking Kindred may ask politely that the Elder should take his/her seat (but only if the Elder has not decided which seat to take yet). If the Elder has not taken the lower ranking Cainite’s seat, then it is up to the latter to offer her seat to the now standing (higher ranking) Kindred. If you don’t heed this protocol a Harpy or any higher ranking Kindred may demand it from you publicly. • Always try to have an Elder in your sight, never turn your back to him/her. • An Elder is addressed using his name, when in doubt ask someone how the Elder wants to be addressed. You can ask the Elder him/herself how he/she wants to be addressed if no one else is available.

Spending the evening

It is recommended to follow the protocol throughout the whole evening in order to avoid any mistakes or offend someone. Almost all rules of Human society and its etiquette apply to Cainite society as well. • Never interrupt or join a conversation unasked. • Do not interrupt your partner of conversation. • Excuse yourself politely if you want (or have to) end a conversation. If you are talking with an Elder you should have a good excuse for ending the conversation. • Better wait till a higher ranking Kindred addresses you or dismisses you from a conversation. • During a conversation with a higher ranking Kindred you may only stand up (and so interrupt the conversation) when someone of an even higher ranking approaches and joins the conversation.

Dancing

• Dancing with someone of far lower ranking does not necessarily mean a loss of face (and prestige): Especially when the pair attracts positive attention due to its appearance and grace. In the best case it means a win of prestige for the skilled lower ranking Kindred which he only can dream of ever achieving. • A Lady is always allowed to decline without loss of face. This should be done with a polite excuse (even though the excuse may be made up...). The higher ranking Lady should not frown from being polite even to a far lower ranking Gentleman. A ‘No, thank you.’ Should always be possible. • Never interrupt a dancing pair, no matter what ranking you have. • If the Lady gets tired during the dance she should mention that to her partner who will then offer to take her back to her seat. This should always be done after the dance has ended. • On the way to the dance floor the Gentleman offers his right arm which the Lady accepts and leads her to the dance floor, even if it only takes a few steps. • The Gentleman should be the one to start a conversation during the dance (if you talk at all.) • In the case of several offers to a Lady to dance (at the same time) the highest ranking Kindred has priority. Others can try later again. • Should the Lady have offers of same ranking Kindred she is free to choose But she should offer the other Gentleman the next dance. • If an accident happens on the dance floor (crashes, tripping, standing on the dress of a Lady (ouch!) or stepping on toes) it should be followed by a polite excuse and if needed help is mandatory.